Its amazing how those animals know its sale day and that Kyle will be babysitting them. For some reason, they live to torment him. Maybe it’s because they know if they bully him, he will become their servant and give them everything they want whether they demanded it or not!
While waiting for my son to come over, I noticed that they were all lined up by the fence, waiting, plotting, scheming, making a plan!
Kyle pulled up and they all ran to the gate to make sure he saw them! He saw them alright. The kid tried to go around the bushes so he didn’t make eye contact and hopefully they didn’t see him. They saw him. Those llamas and Dunkay ran to the middle of the field and were huddled like a football team, planning out their schemes. Every few seconds, one would pop his head up and look to see where Kyle was.
My son came through the back door (trying to stay out of their site) and loudly complained that ‘those things’ saw him and were already planning something terrible to do to him! He sat down, put his forehead on the kitchen table, and asked why don’t they like him! He does everything they want, going out of his way to be super duper nice. I sympathetically patted him on the back and with my fingers crossed, I reassured him that they really do like him that’s why they demand his attention, they want to spend quality time with him! He looked up at me, narrowed his eyes and in an almost growl said, “you know that’s NOT true! They just want to torment me! Last time they cornered me in the barn, refusing to let me pass until all the grain was gone! Then they got mad because they all had a stomach ache from eating themselves sick!!”
I wanted to lie to him by saying today will be different, that Chad lectured them this morning along with threats of no sweet grain for the next 15 years, and they promised to be extra, extra, extra sweet today!
You know, if I didn’t live here and experience this stuff first hand, I wouldn’t believe it.
Chad and I were in the back yard trying to get some pre winter things done (noooooo not the ‘W’ word!!), I was next to the Jeep picking up branches when I heard Remi the potbelly pig squeal. I turned around and asked Chad what the heck was going on over there!? He said that Remi and Violet saw the same pile of grain and galloped to it. They were both trying to gobble it up, but Remi didn’t want to share! Violet is a 200lb llama and by george, she wasn’t budging! So they squared off with a tiny mound of sweet grain between them. Remi went in for the kill, Violet said no way! They butted heads which made Remi mad, so she yelled at the llama who then spit at her in the face!
By the time I got over there for a good look, Remi backed off and was wiping her nose off in the grass. I’m not kidding, as all of this was going on, the baby goat was jumping all over the yard like he’s nuts, and the turkey was chasing him!
Its like a circus over here!!
Its official! All birds hate stink bugs and refuse to eat them, EXCEPT FOR ONE!! I was sweeping off my back porch of empty seed shells and various animal fur clumps, when I saw one of ‘those things’ crawling towards my open door. I raced it to the opening, took my broom and swept it towards one of the hens that was chasing the dust bunnies (she must of been bored)…she saw what she thought to be a plump tasty bug coming her way and jumped up to get it. She got it alright, a beak full of yuck! She spit it out, shook her head a few times and ran to the bucket of water to wash that nasty taste out of her mouth. I was disappointed. I thought the chickens would eat them, helping me to keep them out of my house. But noooooooo…even the birds won’t touch them. But then, the turkey came up, saw a stink bug and ‘gobbled’ it up! I wasn’t sure if she really enjoyed the icky critter or if she ate it so fast that she didn’t taste it. So…I found another one, swept it towards her and she ate it! Hurray! I took my broom and swept every stink bug I could see towards the turkey who happily ended their little lives! Yep, if you drove by the farm this morning, you would’ve seen me sweeping the grass, rocks, mulch, bushes, sidewalks, porch furniture, concrete duck, Jeep, trailer, trash can, the dogs, fence post, etc…with a fat white turkey following me! She was chowing down every stink bug that I could see, flipping it towards her open beak! She got a non tasty treat and I got rid of a few bugs!
Going on a little trip to the store with mom is always an adventure. Sometimes its exciting, sometimes its frustrating, and there are times when its downright unbelievable! Today was all three.
Mother had to take her comcast box to Valpo to exchange it for a new one that actually worked and wasn’t as old as her vintage 500lb box TV that takes 5 minutes to warm up. The drive there was smooth and we had a nice, normal old person conversation…you know, the kind where you talk about bowl movements, how many pills one takes, how joint pain is now in both elbows, one hip, and in 8 fingers…but all toes are still good! We even discussed that one really can have wrinkles behind the knees!
Anyhoo…we finally got to where the Comcast office was supposed to be, so we turned into the strip mall. Mother insisted that it was next to Menards. Nope. She then insisted that it was next to Home Depot. Nope. She then had a lightbulb moment and insisted that it was next to Target. Nope again. She said it was right there, insisting that she saw it from the road…how could it just disappear!? I said I didn’t know, but I’m sure its somewhere in this parking lot! So…we circled the big box stores 3 times (including the alleys) while mothers fingernail pounded on the glass telling me to “turn here, no there, go back, are you listening to me?? Now turn around, over there, why are you stopping? You had the right away! Who keeps honking at us? Slow down, I think I see it, no that was Menards again. Did we check Target, oh yeah we did so never mind, just keep going straight. Should we drive around the back of all the stores again in case we missed it? I know I saw it! It was right here! Why did you turn that way? Does that music have to be so loud? Where are we?”
Yep, we got lost in the parking lot! Who does that?
I decided to go back on the highway, and try it again. On the way out, I saw huge red letters that spelled ‘XFINITY ‘ out of the corner of my eye, next to the road, NOT by a store! I had to go a mile before we could turn around and go back. It only took us 32 minutes of driving in circles around the darn place before we actually saw it.
Mother got her new box and I got to see parts of the parking lot that I didn’t know existed, and really don’t care to see again. I was so glad to get home!
We were driving down the road when I spotted a big orange sign advertising a garage sale (I can spot them 3 miles down the road!), we noticed that it was in the very back behind a memorial buisness that sells tombstones. We kinda pulled in the driveway to take a peek. I hit chad in the arm and demanded that we turn around NOW as I locked the doors. I refuse to go to a ‘garage sale’ behind tombstones with extra large, bright yellow smiley face stickers plastered on them, pots of half dead flowers lining the drive, and a tall spooky looking guy dressed in a worn black suit who could be Lurch’s twin brother from the Adam’s Family, fidgeting in front of the opening of a very dark garage complete with cobwebs! He motioned us to come on up holding a dented urn (with a sale tag), wearing a wilted white rose on his lapel. We could see tables loaded with creepy items like jars filled with liquid, unusual looking tools, things that I didn’t want to know what they were or what they’re used for! In the very back, we could see a wooden coffin, the kind you see in old western movies with a bright green neon sign flashing, ‘todays deal’ in there. I’m sure if I looked hard enough, I would’ve spotted ravens with red eyes perched in the trees!
A normal Sunday afternoon conversation
Chad: “where’s Biscuit”?
Me: “still outside”
Chad: “well get him in so we can leave”
Me: “I can’t, he won’t come in”
Chad: “why not? Just call him”
Me: “there’s a pig and a goat in the doorway, and he won’t go past them!”
Chad: “well move them!”
Me: “they won’t move! I tried it already!”
Chad: “really? Just push them!”
Me: “Hello, I tried that already, they’re like water, they just come back together and refuse to move!!”
Chad: “fine, I’ll move them so we can leave”
Me: “okay smartie, move them”
Chad goes out and does his farmer yell along with waving arms and stomping his feet. Both animals look up at him, glance at each other, look back at Chad and take a ‘I dare you to touch me’ stance.
Me: “told you! Not as easy as you thought huh smartie pants!”
Chad: “THEY WILL MOVE!!”
Super Farmer rolls up his sleeves, takes a deep breath and starts his mad farmer dance around both animals.
The pig and the goat don’t move except for their heads moving side to side as they watch him do his pow wow dance, whooping his war cry out!
I rolled my eyes, shut the door and called Biscuit to come around to the front where I let him in.
We were driving down the road when I spotted a big green sign advertising a garage sale (I can spot them 3 miles down the road!), I noticed it’s in the very back behind a memorial buisness that sells tombstones. We kinda pulled in the driveway to take a peek. I hit chad in the arm and demanded that we turn around NOW. I’m not going to a ‘garage sale’ behind tombstones with bright yellow sale stickers that look like smiley faces) plastered on them, pots of half dead flowers lining the drive and a tall spooky looking guy dressed in a worn black suit who could be Lurch’s twin brother from the Adam’s Family standing in front of the opening of a very dark garage complete with cobwebs! He motioned us to come on up holding a dented urn (with a sale tag), wearing a wilted white rose on his lapel. We could see tables filled with creepy items like jars filled with liquid, unusual looking tools, things that I didn’t want to know what they were or what they’re used for! I swear I saw a wooden coffin, the kind you see in old western movies with a ‘todays deal’ sign on it in there. I’m sure if I looked long enough, I would’ve spotted ravens perched in the trees!