Fun with mother

Fun with mother

Yep, I took mother to Walmart. It started out with following 3 young, nice looking firemen who pulled up in the truck, dressed in their gear. Mother was almost giddy commenting on how young and cute they were, she even made me blush by saying a bit too loud behind them how cute their little tush’s were. I slapped her arm and hushed her before one of them turned around to see who was following them. I finally dragged her away from the young men trying to pick out a freshly made Walmart pizza, and got her to the deli where she could examine every salad, chicken breast, lunch meat and her very favorite, the hot dogs wrapped in foil. After a full five minutes of humming, examining, poking, squeezing, complaining and showing me which salad or sandwich to grap and which one to never, ever put in my mouth, she settled for one broccoli salad and ordered two pounds which was waaaaay more than she expected! So out of the goodness of her mommy heart, she gave me the extra container of broccoli salad…or because she knew she could never eat two large containers before the expiration date. We turned the corner by the produce when something silver flashed in her eyes off the floor! A quarter! Oh the joy! Mother collects and saves quarters! She did a little side step around her cart and practically ran to that gleaming coin. She picked up her treasure showed it me and loudly exclaimed that she has another quarter for her collection! Before I could roll my eyes, she let out a loud gasp! Another silver coin! It was only a dime but by george, it’s money! She scooped up that dime so fast that I didn’t even see it! Then she joyfully let out another little squeal…a penny! Theres money all over the place! She got that other coin, then demanded that I help her look for more lost coins. I informed her that there are no more coins, she found them all. Well, mother didn’t want to hear that, after all she has rent to pay and needs the extra cash! She wanted me to look under the produce shelf in case some coins or maybe even a dollar rolled under it. I put my foot down and told her that there is no way on this green earth that I was going to crawl around on the dirty floor looking under shelves for a possible coin! She glared at me for a moment, marched over to my cart and took back the extra container of broccoli salad.

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Farm chore day!

What a beautiful sunny day down on the farm! Nothing better than sitting high up on the hay loft watching Super Farmer throw 50lb hay bales off the loft so he can feed many large, think they are starving, feed me now because I haven’t eaten for almost 5 full minutes animals.

This is my kind of farm work!
Oh honey, YOUR goat got out again and is in the garage eating your papers! Better go get him! And by the way, YOUR donkey is in the llama pasture, he needs to be chased out! Oh look…YOUR ducks, are swimming in the horse’s water bin, gotta get them out before they poop in it and you have to dump it, then refill it! And where is YOUR pig at?? Find her before she eats the flock block again! And is YOUR woolly mammoth in a coma again? I told you not to feed her so much alfalfa…it makes her sick…better go rub her tummy! Whats that I hear? Gobble Gobble is barking at the neighbor kids again! You know how they hate being barked at by a turkey! Who the heck has a barking turkey anyway? Oh yeah…us! Better chase YOUR watch turkey away from the fence before she barks herself into a frenzy! Oh no! Lincoln is screaming at the nice neighbor man walking past with his two fluff balls in the matching purple sweaters…you need to apologize for YOUR alpacas bad behavior! One more thing, the dogs are barking at the family’s strolling past, you better round up YOUR snarling hounds before the neighbors stop talking to us!!!
Yep, it’s a great farm chore day!!

Sweetie and her annoying friends

I feel sorry for Sweetie because she is kind of a loner. She likes to hang with only one other animal, Violet, our other girl llama. For some strange reason, the goat Sugar Baby and the not-so-mini pig Remi Doodles, just looooooove to hang around and follow her. The pig spent the first 3 months living on our farm glistening with green llama spit. Remi followed, sat with, and tried to munch along side super annoyed Sweetie. The llama couldn’t stand the pig and galloped away every time Remi waddled towards her. Of course, it never worked because the pig ran as fast as those stubby little legs would go behind her trying to keep with her one sided new BFF! (I have video of them going around and around the hay trough outside in the middle of the pasture) Sweetie is seen trying to stay far away from her fat little annoyance while grabbing a mouthful of hay, as Remi followed within inches. Poor Sweetie, she just couldn’t get that pig to bond with someone else. So the pig wore her coat of llama spit with love and Sweetie got a lot of exercise last summer.
Now, she has Sugar Baby the goat who adopted her as mama. Sweetie cares for goats as much as she does pigs…not at all! But, Sugar Baby loooooooves his new mama and yes, that’s right, follows her around like a preteen boy with his very first crush. If you drive past the farm, you will notice that the goat has joined the rough and tough, fierce, big & bad, known throughout Indiana as the “Llama Drama” gang. Sugar Baby has bonded (one sided) with the leader of the pack…Sweetie! Because the goat is more tolerable than the pig, our llama leader puts up with him. He is allowed to stand next to her, snack alongside her and even lay close to his llama mama.
Sweetie and her pig and her goat. They love, adore, and admire their favorite llama…as do the other llamas because she keeps brat #1 & #2 away from them!

Fun with mother in Kroger’s

Fun with mother

I should know by now that every time I go to the store with mother, it’s going to be an adventure that I really don’t care for.

I took her to Krogers so she could stock up on Coke products that are on sale. Nothing makes mom happier than yellow sale signs stuck above the cases of Cherry-Vannila-Zero-Diet and regular Coke! It’s like she turns into a 5 year old who just spotted a jar of Tootsie Pops! She did a little dance with her cane, pointing to the cases she wants ME to pick up…off the bottom shelf of course, and safely put them in her basket before another Coke fanatic comes down the isle and spots those neon yellow sale signs! I got her 3 cases and waited for her to pick out the 4th one. After what seemed like 20 minutes of staring at red and gold boxes, she exclaimed that her beloved Cherry DIET Coke was nowhere to be seen! Oh no! She spotted a case of something on the bottom shelf waaaaaaaaay in the back hiding. And guess who had to get on her knees and crawl into the shelf to grab a case of coke! Yep…ME! I wiggled in there, grabbed that box, and pulled it out. I handed it to mother who quickly frowned, informing me that I grabbed the wrong one! She wants Cherry DIET Coke…not regular Cherry Coke. She swatted me with her cane and demanded that I crawl back under there and get her that DIET Cherry! I said, “mom, that’s all that’s under there! There is NO diet cherry coke, they’re out! Plus I am NOT crawling in there again!!” She blinked at me a couple of times with a deadpan face, then cheerfully said, “oh that’s okay honey, I don’t care for it that much anyway, just get me another Vanilla, that’s my favorite!”
Sheesh!

Farm sounds!

I’m sitting in the furthest room of the house away from the animals who are on a mission to destroy everything thing that was once green in the pasture. And what do I hear? Dunkay! I swear he has a secret bullhorn to HEEEEE HAAAAW into! He is so loud that he could stop a train! We live across from Crestview subdivision and I bet that every person who lives there has heard him at some point since we’ve moved here! It wouldn’t surprise me that on the first Saturday of every month at 11am when the city test the tornado sirens, that folks come outside, cock their heads and ask all the other neighbors standing outside their homes, “Is that the siren, or is it the annoying donkey who lives at that wacky farm again?”

Everybody has heard Dunkay hee haw for his breakfast, lunch, dinner, and 500 snacks everyday. They’ve also heard Lincoln the alpaca scream out his warning cry towards every dog, rabbit hoping past, bird flying overhead, jogger, families going for a stroll down a picturesque quiet (hahahahaha)country road, bicyclist, folks getting their mail and the UPS driver delivering packages…the rooster who practices his manly crow from 9pm to 7am the next morning…and of course the womans non stop voice commands of, “STOP IT! BE QUIET! LEAVE HIM ALONE! BE NICE! DROP THAT CHICKEN RIGHT NOW! NO MORE GRAIN! GET OVER HERE! THATS NOT YOUR HAY! SERIOUSLY? GET BACK ON YOUR OWN SIDE! DON’T MAKE ME WALK OUT THERE! WHAT DID YOU THREE DO WITH SAMMIE AGAIN? DON’T YOU LLAMAS ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME!! STOP TEASING THE PIG! I’M TELLING SUPER FARMER ON YOU!!”

Yep, the sounds of our farm.

Digging out the animals

Well, Chad went out to the barn, and fought with that frozen shut door for about 20 minutes. He pushed, shoved, yelled at, hit it multiple times, shoveled away snow, poured hot water on it, shook his fist threatening to do it bodily harm. In desperation he prayed. The stubborn metal door creaked open just enough to let out a large animal, one at a time.
Super Farmer jumped back covering his head with his arms to let the frothing at the mouths, stampeding animals rush past him! After 20 seconds of waiting for fur to blast through the small opening, he decided to go inside the barn to check if their hooves were frozen to the ground or heads stuck inside a hay bale. Nope, they were standing there all in a row, lined up for battle. They glared at him with their famous ‘I ain’t going nowhere’ look. Chad politely told them that the weather was warm and sunny…it would do them some good to get out and stretch, breathing in that fresh country air! They backed up in unison and lowered their heads in a ‘make me’ stance. Now poor Chad is getting frustrated! He just spent 20 minutes digging them out so THEY could enjoy the heat wave of 10 above 0! Those animals were NOT going out that door no matter what he did or said. Chad gave up. However, the pig followed him outside oinking hoping to get an extra treat.

Groundhog day!

The groundhog has spoken! An early Spring is right around the corner!
Our llamas however, disagree. They didn’t see their shadow when they came out but made it very clear with body language and narrowed glaring eyes, that they don’t buy this early Spring myth! As a matter of fact when they came out of the barn, they ran in a spitting circle then galloped back into the barn heading straight for the only warm spot. Dunkay not only believes it, he is celebrating by trotting out to the back pasture, frolicking like a young whippersnapper. Laci the woolly mammoth doesn’t care one way or the other as long as she gets fed…a lot…constantly. Because this is Sugar Baby’s first winter, he has been enjoying the hay mounds, chicken coops, Remi’s the not-so-mini-pig house, and everything else he can jump on, climp up and play King Goat of the Hill on! So he has no desire to venture outside. The pig however is so fat that that she doesn’t feel the cold, even with icicles hanging off her nose, therefore she is constantly waddling around inside everybody’s pen, or outside the barn… rooting for dropped grain, birdseed, grass, grubs…anything that will fill up her tummy! So Spring is no big deal for her…everyday is Spring, or Summer, or Fall, or Winter…its all the same to Miss Piggy. So…groundhog day is just another day on the farm. The animals eat, demand, whine, tattle on each other and plan elaborate escapes. Super Farmer and I? Well we are joyously dancing in front of those ding bats because soon we won’t be hauling buckets of splashing water that turns to ice before it hits the ground. Tunneling through 15 foot snow drifts just to feed them, sliding on ice through the barn door knocking over a couple of ducks and turkey like a bowling ball, lecturing animals for the 53rd time in one day about barn etiquette, and no more breaking up fights because one touched the other without permission!