Mama is sick

Well, I managed to make myself sick. Headache, chills, sore throat, and wanting my mommy in a big way! I can’t have her, so I made poor chad cuddle and hold me ALL night! I throughly enjoyed my night of chills, aches and cuddles. Chad however, is putting up with, “oh honey, I’m thirsty again…can you get me some more pop? Can you move your arm under my head to the right side? No, the left…middle? Never mind, put it back where you had it. Gosh hon, I’m freezing again, can you cuddle closer? Not so close, it’s hot. I need more aspirin, can you get it for me…quickly, I’m freezing again and need to snuggle closer. Isn’t chippie cute how he’s snuggled between us? No honey pie, he isn’t growling just at you, or daring you to move him so he can snap, just don’t touch him.”

Yep, that’s my loving hubby’s night. I’m almost enjoying being sick!

“Oh honey poo, I need your arm to move again to the right…no left…try the middle, forget it hon…the way you had it was perfect so please stop moving!”

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Taking the trash out with a goat

Note to self…

Never take out a weeks worth of trash when there is a baby goat outside who considers you as his mother, queen, BFF, special human, love of his life!
He followed me either one hoof behind, or in front of me all the way to the gate baaaaaa’ing, going around in circles, running between me and the can, stopping in front of me, looking up with his beautiful doe eyes, trying to figure out which way I’m going! Then I had to play ‘push the goat away from the opening’ as I pulled a large trashcan through without spilling the yucky contents, while Biscuit tried to get between me and the goat which made the goat freak out more by pushing on my legs trying to get out! I’m not kidding…I’m half way through the gate with a large trashcan on wheels that stinks worse than the barn, as a million flies buzz around it, with Sugar Baby between my legs pushing to get out…I’m shoving him back in while balancing a stinking can, trying to keep an eye on Biscuit, making sure that he doesn’t sprint past us to chase a leaf floating across the street!
Me with a dirty green trash container, a small spotted brown and white goat, and a black as night 95lb Pitbull in one small spot…everyone freaking out in their own unique way!

Again, happy birthday to me!

A farmers birthday

Does anyone else ever get delusional on their birthday? I do every year. This is how I imagined my special day would be…

I woke up early this morning to the melody of song birds outside my open window with a gentle breeze floating in filled with the fragrance of wildflowers! I fling open the curtains letting the warm rays of the sun hit my face and grin at the thought of turning 29 again. I go downstairs to breakfast being served on the red ‘Your Special’ plate by a smiling husband and grandson who hugs me wishing me happy birthday! I eat my favorite morning foods and wait for hundreds of presents to start coming my way. After I finish the tasty meal, my loving husband and our excited grandson Isaac, make me close my eyes and walk me outside. I open my eyes to see my NEW JEEP with a big red bow on the windshield! I run to my new love, open the door only to find it filled with presents, cash, and a puppy! Then I noticed my sparkly clean animals are lined up at the fence humming ‘happy birthday’!

Reality…

I woke up way to early on the wrong side of the bed listening to the rooster who is determined to become dinner as the normal farm smells force their way into my room making me close the window. I fling back the curtains to dark clouds and rain drops covering the glass reminding me that 60 is only a year away now, and that makes me frown. I go downstairs to a hungry child asking for bacon as Chad reminds me that he is still waiting for his coffee. There are no presents. I do dishes, fix the ‘oh BaBa, I’m starving to death’ child his bacon and give Chad his cup of coffee because he’s sitting there with his hand out waiting. I then go outside to feed an unhappy fat pig because her breakfast is late, a baby goat who wants to sit on my lap and look for a new Jeep that I know isn’t there. My not so clean animals are spitting at each other in the field and pay no attention to me! I go back inside to find chippie growling at Biscuit, Isaac walking past me with a handful of wet paper towels (not a good sign) and Chad cat napping on the couch. ☹

Happy birthday to me!

Missed me? Ha!

Silly me. I was actually missing the llamas being in the back yard hanging with me, because we’ve been busy working on the yard and spent the weekend in WI for a family reunion (yes Kyle stayed and babysat the natives). So I went out to the front pasture to say howdy farmer style and invited them to into the humans area of plenty (I needed the grass mowed). I went to the gate with my llama train following close behind, opened up the way to lush green grass and tasty weeds, and they went from sweet, adorable fur balls to angry, starving, me first, me first, me first, me first monsters in 1.7 seconds! They pushed past me spitting at each other, trying to get to my birfeeders, leaving me in a fur filled dust cloud! After I successfully waved the dirt floating around me away, I slapped my hand to my head realizing that the natives weren’t interested in me and my wonderful company, they only want what doesn’t belong to them like my birdseed and Chad’s wildflowers! I quickly shut and locked the gate before Dunkay realized it was opened, and sprinted to the back yard to see what I had done! In that 23.2 seconds of freedom, all my bird feeders were empty, the porch chairs were knocked over, 90% of Chad’s flowers were leafless stems and Sweetie had her head buried inside the tub of scratch grain as Lincoln galloped past me with the empty feed sack hanging out of his mouth while Sammie chased him thinking there were tasty morsels still inside. The only one ‘behaving’ herself was Violet! She was standing there watching the mayhem, so I stood next to my confused looking llama and whispered, “why do I do this to myself?! You’d think I’d know better after 9 years with these animals!!’ Violet shifted legs, gave out a long drawn out sigh, and glanced at me like, ‘yep, we rule you drool’.

Phone talk!

Oh my gosh, I wish I had recorded mine and Chad’s conversation on the phone. He called to tell me his 12 year old car that we desperately need to replace but can’t, you know, the one our mechanic calls ‘the death trap’, needs brakes again. That car should be next to new with all the repairs that we’ve done this last year! Anyhoo…as we’re talking, I see Dunkay strolling past the window.

Our conversation

Me, “your donkey just walked past the window, he’s out again”
Chad, “what do you mean he’s out again! I put him back this morning because he was on the porch trashing it! I doubled the cord around the gate! There’s no way!!”
Me, “well, he’s out”
Chad, “did you go out there and not lock the gate?”
Me, “no dear, I’m still inside cleaning YOUR house!”
Chad, “well how in the heck did he get out!”
Me, silence
Chad, “he’s a pain in the butt! I’ve chased him 2 times now! Plus he ate some of my flowers that were starting to bloom!”
Me, “I guess three times a charm” (giggle)
Chad, “your not funny”
Me, “yeah I am”
Chad, “no your not and I’m not chasing that stupid animal when I get home either ”
Me, “I hope he doesnt eat your sunflowers in the back (laughing)
Chad making groaning sounds
Me, “I will try to chase him back but you know he doesnt listen to me, but I’ll try”

We ended our fun little talk without the normal gushy sounds of of kisses and ‘I love you’, ‘no I love you more’…’ not possible cause I just loooooooves you more than life itself’ mushy stuff!

So Nancy being the loving wife that she is, went outside to chase an animal that refuses to listen to save her hubby’s flowers that he has been caring for all Summer (he takes me out to the back every other day to proudly show off his little pink, yellow, and purple wild flowers that he grew from seeds) only to find Dunkay munching away on, yes that’s right, Super Farmers blooming babies!

Good news, I got the naughty donkey away from the wild flowers and the sunflowers have most of their petals left! Bad news, chad has two tiny wildflowers left and a lot of leafless stems.

I’m not calling him back.

The reappearing pig

Remi our potbelly pig is downright spooky! As you can guess, she likes to eat…constantly…non stop. She goes out of her way to steal food from every animal and bird on the farm, and stares at the house waiting for signs of people to come out and feed her. Well, I dont want to feed her every single time I step out the door! Sometimes I want to walk outside, stretch out my arms, deeply breathe in the fresh country air with a touch of farm scent, listen to the ducks quack, the turkey bark, the chickens squabble, the goat Baaaaaa like theres no tomorrow and not feel the ground shake because I have an overweight, starving, excited to see me, pig running ( if you can call it that) towards me full speed…which by the way isn’t very fast, heck I could go in the house, fix a pot of coffee, go back outside and she would still be waddling towards the house!

So there are times when I sneak out, look around to see if I can spot her. Then I feed the patiently waiting birds. I get my cup of scratch grain, find a big spot to dump it so everyone can peck away happily and in peace, only to turn around and see an angry black pig with beady eyes squinting at me because she knows I was trying to let other animals besides just her eat! God forbid! I have yet to figure out how she does that! One second there is no pig anywhere in sight, (and I check too by looking behind trees, in the tall grass, under tables, around corners), the next second…poof…there she is, inches away from me! I didn’t see or hear her coming! She just appears out of nowhere! Shes like the butler in the movie Mr Deeds! Your standing alone, you turn around and there’s someone a mere inch standing behind or next to you! Its creepy!

Headless horseman?

Around 1am last night my dogs started barking and were running from window to window acting like rabid dogs. So I go to the back door to peek out trying to see if there was anything sinister lurking in the dark. Nothing. I scold the dogs and decide to go outside, alone, to see if I can spot something…not one of my brightest ideas. Me, a grandma in pink jammies with kitty cat slippers, outside in the yard looking for…?
Then I heard it! A strange high pitched squeal followed by a galloping sound. My thoughts automatically go to the angry headless horseman, my kitty slippers look up at me in fear, the moon goes behind a spooky cloud, the dogs stop barking inside the house because they are trying to crawl under the covers with Super Farmer! I’m alone with whatever is running towards me making an awful cry! I stand waiting (because my legs won’t budge) to see a blurry spotted white thing run past the porch and around the corner. Now I’m freaked! I go back into the house, jump in bed with Chad and two whining dogs, pull the covers over my head and yell at my still snoring hubby to get up and go outside to save our animals from the ghostly figure thats galloping around our house!! After some fast talking, pleading and a shove out of the bed…he gives in, gets dressed, and mumbles something about separate bedrooms with locks. I follow him out, staying within an inch behind him, looking over his shoulder. I point to the direction of the thing loose in our yard. After a few seconds, the loud unearthly sound rings out in the cool, quiet of the night, followed by the sound of many hooves! Chad backs up a bit, I have my hands on his shoulders from behind whispering, “see, I told you! It’s the headless horseman! He’s here and boy is he mad at you!” My now wide awake husband turns to look at me and loudly says,”what do you mean he’s mad at ME?” I reply, “well I haven’t done anything wrong! It has to be YOU!!”
Just then the thing comes running onto the porch and practically knocked us over! Its CHADS donkey! Dunkay cocks his head at us, let’s out a pitiful whinny and takes off running to the gate. He wants to go to bed! I slap chad on the back and accuse him of leaving HIS donkey out alone! My loving hubby glares at me and reminds me that I was the one who was home all day with MY animals, he never saw them! We walk to the waiting donkey by the gate to let him in so he can snuggle with Laci to sleep. Of course all this commotion woke up the pig who came waddling out to see if we brought her a midnight snack.

Yep, never a dull moment!!