Chad claims I talk to much when he’s trying to work, so he put on ear phones to block out all noise…AKA…my chit chat. I disagree, I hardly ever talk, I’m one of the most quiet people you’ll ever meet! I hardly ever open my mouth to speak, I certainly wouldn’t want to tell him about my exciting day with 7 large animals, or tell him about how many times Chippie snapped at Biscuit, or how BOB gobbled every single time I yelled out his name today (which was around 20 because I was bored), or that I forgot to turn off the hose to the ducks swimming pool for like 3 hours and now we have a large pond beside the barn that is now the llamas new watering hole! And I would never mention (while laughing) to him how HIS pig ate all the scratch grain off the back porch again because she escaped through the hole that he swore up and down that he fixed in such a way that HIS pig would never, ever get through again!! Me…I hardly ever yip yap to the guy!
I had to do my weekly Mother Marathon Day today. As always, it starts early in the morning. Anything before noon for me is too early and this day started waaaaay before high noon. Our adventurous day was to start at the doctor’s office in Michigan City. Of course, neither one of us had been there before. I was a bit worried about finding it, but mother assured me that she wrote down the directions that the nice lady from the office repeatedly told her over the phone as she wrote. She got out her hand written note, turned it around and around trying to read it. She finally admitted that she can’t read her own writing, but not to worry because she remembers what the receptionist told her 10 times over the phone.
I personally was getting nervous, I’ve been down this road before with mother. So I asked mother what the name of the doctor was. She looked at me funny and asked, “What doctor?”
Oh no…here we go. I said, “You know, the doctor we’re visiting today for your check up!”
She responded, ” I dont need a check up!” I’m now rolling my eyes, gripping the steering wheel tighter, took a deep breath and nicely said to my mother who I love and enjoy being around…”mom, the heart doctor who wants to give you a check up today!” She puts a deep frown on her face, taps her fingers on the cane leaning against her legs, then in a flash, she has a light bulb moment exclaiming, “Oh yes, the nice young man who fixed me up two weeks ago…what’s his name again?”
At this point, I just want to get there and asked her for the address for the umpteenth time which, of course, she doesn’t remember. After a few minutes of bickering back and forth, we figured out the address and, at that very second, i see his office out of the corner of my eye…we had to turn around.
I then got mother in. I sanitize her chair, we watch the nice ladies in colorful masks buzzing around, we talk to the nice young man, we get good news, we leave, i sanitize her cane, door handle and make sure she cleans her hands with my ‘running low’ hand sanitizer in my Jeep.
We are now off to Kroger’s! I make mother wear our new farm mask that Yvonne Addie (Chad’s sister in law) made for us. At first mother was not, no way, going to put on this ‘silly piece of cloth that has a pig on it’ on HER face. I say they’re adorable (they are!), she says ‘a pig, a chicken, my face?’, and so on. Again, we bicker for a few minutes in the parking lot as I point out all the other folks walking by wearing masks and none of them have on a unique, cute, one of a kind mask like ours!
She finally put it on and within 2.8 seconds she complains she can’t breathe with a silly pig thing on her face. “How am suppose to talk?” “What if it falls off?” “It hurts my ears, do I look funny?” “What if someone I know sees me?” “Does this cloth thing do any good? It makes my face too warm! Its creeping up and I can’t see now!”
Oh my gosh…it went on and on and on! You know, this is the Song That Never Ends and goes on and on and on, my friends. I finally got her and the farm mask into Kroger’s, explained the 6 foot rule, sanitized her cart, readjusted her mask, gave her a little push through the door, and went in the opposite direction listening to her muffled voice fade away continuing to complain about not being able to. breathe in this silly…
I caught up with her shortly after getting my groceries and by George she was still going on and on and on, my friends…about the mask that was making her face hot and uncomfortable and…
(story dedicated to Remi 🐷)
Does anyone remember the Beanie Baby craze?
People stood in lines outside the Hallmark store waiting for the clerk to open those doors as you eye balled the folks around you to see if you could beat them to the sacred shelf lined with the newest and rarest Beanie Babies in all of La Porte County? Uh huh…yeah you do.
Well, I was one of those crazy Beanie mamas trying to grab that new adorable kitten with the red heart tag for my kiddos. They absolutely ‘had to have or they’d die, can’t live without’. They simply had to show off to their friends that THEY got the newest Beanie Baby that only a handful of folks actually had. All were convinced the cute little plush animals would be of great value and worth trading family heirlooms for!
Recently, I felt like that Beanie mama from 20 years ago except this time I imagined running from store to store searching for that impossible to find, must have or I’ll die, hand sanitizer and anything that had the name lysol, or Charmin on it! I pictured waiting for certain stores to open those glass double doors while eye balling the ladies who were suspiciously eye balling me back!
I saw myself cupping my hands on the glass, face pressed against the cold window trying to spot the big bold red letters spelling out L.Y.S.O.L. or G.E.R.M.-X! Or, the most coveted item in the 21st century…the item that makes people turn into hoarders…
grabbing machines…the one thing you would buy on the black market for 200 times its worth…TOILET PAPER!! Uh huh, that’s right the rolls of white gold! The absolutely can not, will not, never live with out!
The clerk would open those doors and grey haired ladies raced young women in pony tails in the midst of a whoopy-cay-yi-ya stampede in to grab those hard to find items that no one else surely found within 100 miles!
Yep, that’s what we have been reduced to! The Beanie Baby craze is back, but this time in a bottle that promises to keep you healthy…as long as you don’t touch your face!!
Well poo! I looked out the window to see all the animals standing in a circle outside in the rain and wind. Most folks would wonder what in the heck is going on when they see 3 llamas, an alpaca, a donkey, a mini horse and a pig gathered around in one spot. Not me, I’m used to it. I’ve learned the hard way over the years not to get my curiosity up as it will eventually involve me chasing, pushing, scolding or running away before I get surrounded by upset, think-they’re-starving-to-death animals because they haven’t eaten for 38 seconds!
So I stayed inside and tried to figure out what they were doing. After a few minutes, I couldn’t stand it and I needed to know what they were looking at! So, of course, I grabbed my coffee, got comfy in my chair by the picture window, and sent Chad out there in the wind and rain to figure out what was going on out there and report back to me ASAP.
My faithful Super Farmer hubby put on hip waders, his cute yellow slicker coat with matching hat that I bought him for such a time as this (he looooves wearing in public, I’m sure), he opened the door and I pointed to the animal huddle and affirmed, “GO!”. He bent his head toward the high wind and made his way to the circle of fur!
I watched him from the window to make sure he got there okay. Chad got to the animals, wiggled his way into an open spot and stood there with the dingbats looking down as the wind howled past them, rain hitting them like tiny ice rockets…they all just stood there. I’m like…really?
So, I thrust off my heated chair blanket and went upstairs to look out my bedroom window for a better view. (I can practically see the lighthouse from up there!) And what were they staring at? The 7 foot tall new Mother’s Day present metal rooster laying on the ground due to the strong wind racing across the pasture! Again…really?!
I can just hear their conversation!
Chad: oh no guys, the rooster fell!
Sammie: no kidding
Violet: sure looks that way
Remi: is there grain under it?
Laci: what are we looking at again?
Chad: wanna help me put it back up?
Sammie: your kidding, right?
Sweetie: uh…no way
Violet: I dont see that happening
Remi: sure if there’s food under there
Laci: what’s going on again?
Yep, life on the funny farm!
Does anyone else have a hubby who is driving them nuts with this stay at home, don’t leave, must be together 24/7 lock down in your house? Well, mine is driving me to the point where I’m day dreaming of the days of being single, young, free, alone! This is a typical day for me with my at home, constantly with me, boring husband (he says he must work…where’s the fun?!).
I’m dusting the house from the non stop floating cat and dog hair mixed with a few strands of pig, llama, donkey, horse fur and an occasional feather. So…I have my Pledge sheets, that promise to automatically draw all dust to the cloth before even touching the table, dusting away when Chad comes up, stands 2″ away from me and asks me what I’m doing. Really?!
I stop, look at him and hold up my now covered in hair, fur, feathers, dead stink bugs, string, and tiny scary black things with teeny teeth snapping at me, and say, “what’s it look like?” He grumbles walks away and I switch to cleaning mirrors with windex and my last roll of quicker picker upper, when Mr. Bored comes up and asks what I’m doing. Really, again?
I’m like, ‘uh, Khakis’, he was not amused and stomped away.
I then turn to mopping my floors when you know who walks up, looks over my shoulder after he just left barefoot prints on my still wet not so clean anymore floors and asks what I’m doing. At this point I’ve had it. I quickly turn on my heel to face him, thrust my mop into his hands and say, “I’m watching you mop my floors!”
At which point, he grins and, with his best ‘microphone drop’ expression, lets go of the mop and as it falls to the floor states, “back to work I go”, disappearing behind his now mocking computer screen.
Unfortunately, we don’t have the brightest chickens in the land of Addie Oz. As I did my bird dance, complete with flapping arms next to my feathered friends, I chased loose chickens back towards the back barn and into their outside pen. Once the Chicken Dance was complete, I assumed all were back where they belonged.
Then, as I turned around to sing my llama song to the dingbats that were watching me ‘do my thing’ with 3 roosters and 6 squawking hens, I saw out of the corner of my eye a loose rooster running back and forth along the fence trying to find a way in to join his fellow bird brains.
I knew I chased all of them, so I wasn’t sure how I missed one. I opened the gate, chased him in with the others, closed it and made sure it was latched.
Again, i turned around to finish my famous, one of a kind, llama song to my now one and only dingbat left standing there hoping for a better show (and he’s an alpaca!). I took a deep breath, opened my mouth to let the melody flow out when, again, I saw that dang rooster on the outside strutting back and forth like an expectant father in the waiting room! I held up one finger to Lincoln and said, “I’ll be right back” and turned to get Mr Annoyance back with the flock. I chase him in, he runs to the other chickens, they squawk…flap…peck…
normal things that bird brains do. I turn to Lincoln who is being a good boy by waiting for me to finish amusing him when yep…that rooster is out!
Now I’m getting annoyed…and curious. I chase, latch and step back to watch. That rooster went straight to an opening between the fence and gate, just big enough for him to squeeze through. He gets out…looks around, realized he’s not with the hens then proceeds to run back and forth along the fence upset that he’s not inside. I’m like…really?! I put you in, you squeeze out within 3.6 seconds then get upset that you’re out!
Yup, he is looking mighty tasty right about now.
Okay, this made me chuckle. We have a couple young guys working outside around our house today, setting up some things for us. They got to meet the dingbats and heard all the good things about each of our beloved fur babies…except for ‘that creature’ named Remi, the potbelly from the underworld! We told them to just stay away from her because 99.9% of the time she is in a grumpy mood.
Well, they’re working away out there and need to work on the corner of our garage to mount a camera facing the barn so we can keep an eye out for coyotes. One of the young whippersnappers came up and asked me if it was safe for him to get inside that fence without the pig coming near him?
Unfortunately, my warped sense of humor took over and I responded by saying, “Of course, just dont go near her, do not touch her, don’t act like you might touch her, do your social distance of 6 feet from her at all times, do not, I repeat, do not, eat in front of her, and whatever you do…DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT!!”
The poor guy stood in front of me looking mortified, softly asked, “really?” I had to be nice and respond by saying I was kidding
So I watched him walk to the gate, look all around to see where the pig was, cautiously open the gate, go in, walk to his spot where he needs to mount the camera and who comes waddling out of the barn towards him as fast as her stubby little legs can? Yep, you guessed it, Remi!! She made a bee line to him!
He stopped, looked at the pig who was now standing a few feet away from him giving him the ‘feed me now or die’ glare and called the other guy over to help him with his now porker problem. The other worker walks to the gate, looks at the pig (who is now snorting in anger because there is no food being thrown towards her) and says, “no way dude, I’m not going in there!”
I finally went out with some grain and got ‘miss-pain-in-the-butt back to the barn so the kid could keep working. I told him that I would bring Dunkay out to stand guard over him. He was okay with having a donkey near by.
I just looked out the window to see Dunkay trying to get his nose inside the young man’s pockets for a possible hidden treat! Hmmm, I probably should have given a heads up about that one too.