Guest being chased by a donkey!

As most of you know, we have a nice room that is on Airbnb (bed & breakfast). We have an older couple staying with us all weekend from N. Carolina. They aren’t exactly animal people and have no interest meeting the large fur balls in the pasture who have been staring at them like stalkers every time they go outside to eat on the porch. The llamas along with Dunkay, line up at the fence and watch these folks…every move they make, they see it…watching…waiting…hoping they will come over and give them a treat. Heck, it even creeps me out! Any who…I got up this morning and went downstairs to check on my guest.  They were standing by the front door, in their jammies, holding plates of food and coffee. They looked a bit ‘startled’. I asked what was wrong.  They told me they fixed some eggs and toast went outside to eat, hoping to enjoy the beautiful morning, when Dunkay barreled through the gate and galloped straight towards their plates of food! They sat there frozen to the chairs not sure if they should give up their breakfast to the beast or grab everything and run! They chose the latter! They got up, held the plates high and quickly walked to the front porch. Dunkay knocked over a chair and broke a plate as these two elderly folks tried to get away!  After he was done ‘wrecking havoc’ as she put it…he trotted to the front porch where they were trying to eat and demanded all the food…NOW! They ran back into the house, stood at the door, staring at it in disbelief.  That’s where I came in. I assured them that he really is harmless,  and coaxed them back to the kitchen.  I tried to make a joke out of it, but they didn’t think it was funny. They just looked at me with a blank stare!  I went outside looking for Mr Pain In the Butt. He was already back in the barn harassing the chickens.  I swept up the shattered plate, picked up the chair and scolded Dunkay as he stood inside the barn with his head peeking around the corner cause he knows better!   I don’t think these folks will be back.

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Missed me? Ha!

Silly me. I was actually missing the llamas being in the back yard hanging with me, because we’ve been busy working on the yard and spent the weekend in WI for a family reunion (yes Kyle stayed and babysat the natives). So I went out to the front pasture to say howdy farmer style and invited them to into the humans area of plenty (I needed the grass mowed). I went to the gate with my llama train following close behind, opened up the way to lush green grass and tasty weeds, and they went from sweet, adorable fur balls to angry, starving, me first, me first, me first, me first monsters in 1.7 seconds! They pushed past me spitting at each other, trying to get to my birfeeders, leaving me in a fur filled dust cloud! After I successfully waved the dirt floating around me away, I slapped my hand to my head realizing that the natives weren’t interested in me and my wonderful company, they only want what doesn’t belong to them like my birdseed and Chad’s wildflowers! I quickly shut and locked the gate before Dunkay realized it was opened, and sprinted to the back yard to see what I had done! In that 23.2 seconds of freedom, all my bird feeders were empty, the porch chairs were knocked over, 90% of Chad’s flowers were leafless stems and Sweetie had her head buried inside the tub of scratch grain as Lincoln galloped past me with the empty feed sack hanging out of his mouth while Sammie chased him thinking there were tasty morsels still inside. The only one ‘behaving’ herself was Violet! She was standing there watching the mayhem, so I stood next to my confused looking llama and whispered, “why do I do this to myself?! You’d think I’d know better after 9 years with these animals!!’ Violet shifted legs, gave out a long drawn out sigh, and glanced at me like, ‘yep, we rule you drool’.

Phone talk!

Oh my gosh, I wish I had recorded mine and Chad’s conversation on the phone. He called to tell me his 12 year old car that we desperately need to replace but can’t, you know, the one our mechanic calls ‘the death trap’, needs brakes again. That car should be next to new with all the repairs that we’ve done this last year! Anyhoo…as we’re talking, I see Dunkay strolling past the window.

Our conversation

Me, “your donkey just walked past the window, he’s out again”
Chad, “what do you mean he’s out again! I put him back this morning because he was on the porch trashing it! I doubled the cord around the gate! There’s no way!!”
Me, “well, he’s out”
Chad, “did you go out there and not lock the gate?”
Me, “no dear, I’m still inside cleaning YOUR house!”
Chad, “well how in the heck did he get out!”
Me, silence
Chad, “he’s a pain in the butt! I’ve chased him 2 times now! Plus he ate some of my flowers that were starting to bloom!”
Me, “I guess three times a charm” (giggle)
Chad, “your not funny”
Me, “yeah I am”
Chad, “no your not and I’m not chasing that stupid animal when I get home either ”
Me, “I hope he doesnt eat your sunflowers in the back (laughing)
Chad making groaning sounds
Me, “I will try to chase him back but you know he doesnt listen to me, but I’ll try”

We ended our fun little talk without the normal gushy sounds of of kisses and ‘I love you’, ‘no I love you more’…’ not possible cause I just loooooooves you more than life itself’ mushy stuff!

So Nancy being the loving wife that she is, went outside to chase an animal that refuses to listen to save her hubby’s flowers that he has been caring for all Summer (he takes me out to the back every other day to proudly show off his little pink, yellow, and purple wild flowers that he grew from seeds) only to find Dunkay munching away on, yes that’s right, Super Farmers blooming babies!

Good news, I got the naughty donkey away from the wild flowers and the sunflowers have most of their petals left! Bad news, chad has two tiny wildflowers left and a lot of leafless stems.

I’m not calling him back.

The reappearing pig

Remi our potbelly pig is downright spooky! As you can guess, she likes to eat…constantly…non stop. She goes out of her way to steal food from every animal and bird on the farm, and stares at the house waiting for signs of people to come out and feed her. Well, I dont want to feed her every single time I step out the door! Sometimes I want to walk outside, stretch out my arms, deeply breathe in the fresh country air with a touch of farm scent, listen to the ducks quack, the turkey bark, the chickens squabble, the goat Baaaaaa like theres no tomorrow and not feel the ground shake because I have an overweight, starving, excited to see me, pig running ( if you can call it that) towards me full speed…which by the way isn’t very fast, heck I could go in the house, fix a pot of coffee, go back outside and she would still be waddling towards the house!

So there are times when I sneak out, look around to see if I can spot her. Then I feed the patiently waiting birds. I get my cup of scratch grain, find a big spot to dump it so everyone can peck away happily and in peace, only to turn around and see an angry black pig with beady eyes squinting at me because she knows I was trying to let other animals besides just her eat! God forbid! I have yet to figure out how she does that! One second there is no pig anywhere in sight, (and I check too by looking behind trees, in the tall grass, under tables, around corners), the next second…poof…there she is, inches away from me! I didn’t see or hear her coming! She just appears out of nowhere! Shes like the butler in the movie Mr Deeds! Your standing alone, you turn around and there’s someone a mere inch standing behind or next to you! Its creepy!

Headless horseman?

Around 1am last night my dogs started barking and were running from window to window acting like rabid dogs. So I go to the back door to peek out trying to see if there was anything sinister lurking in the dark. Nothing. I scold the dogs and decide to go outside, alone, to see if I can spot something…not one of my brightest ideas. Me, a grandma in pink jammies with kitty cat slippers, outside in the yard looking for…?
Then I heard it! A strange high pitched squeal followed by a galloping sound. My thoughts automatically go to the angry headless horseman, my kitty slippers look up at me in fear, the moon goes behind a spooky cloud, the dogs stop barking inside the house because they are trying to crawl under the covers with Super Farmer! I’m alone with whatever is running towards me making an awful cry! I stand waiting (because my legs won’t budge) to see a blurry spotted white thing run past the porch and around the corner. Now I’m freaked! I go back into the house, jump in bed with Chad and two whining dogs, pull the covers over my head and yell at my still snoring hubby to get up and go outside to save our animals from the ghostly figure thats galloping around our house!! After some fast talking, pleading and a shove out of the bed…he gives in, gets dressed, and mumbles something about separate bedrooms with locks. I follow him out, staying within an inch behind him, looking over his shoulder. I point to the direction of the thing loose in our yard. After a few seconds, the loud unearthly sound rings out in the cool, quiet of the night, followed by the sound of many hooves! Chad backs up a bit, I have my hands on his shoulders from behind whispering, “see, I told you! It’s the headless horseman! He’s here and boy is he mad at you!” My now wide awake husband turns to look at me and loudly says,”what do you mean he’s mad at ME?” I reply, “well I haven’t done anything wrong! It has to be YOU!!”
Just then the thing comes running onto the porch and practically knocked us over! Its CHADS donkey! Dunkay cocks his head at us, let’s out a pitiful whinny and takes off running to the gate. He wants to go to bed! I slap chad on the back and accuse him of leaving HIS donkey out alone! My loving hubby glares at me and reminds me that I was the one who was home all day with MY animals, he never saw them! We walk to the waiting donkey by the gate to let him in so he can snuggle with Laci to sleep. Of course all this commotion woke up the pig who came waddling out to see if we brought her a midnight snack.

Yep, never a dull moment!!

Wake up chad!!

And how does Super Farmer wake up on his days off??  An 85 pound Pit jumps on him trying to kiss him, then lays flat on top of Super Farmer! That’s when the tug of war for the blanket begins. Chad pulls it over his head demanding he get off of him, Biscuit hunkers down, sticking his nose under the cover to get a lick or 20 in!  Chad then tries to push him off calling Bisk some not so nice names.  The huge powerful Pit squeezes between chad and the bed with his paws over his chest still trying to kiss! AND… as all of this is going on, Chippie is under the covers growing and snapping at Biscuit through the blanket! So my now wide awake husband is trying to fight off the love and adoration of a Pit while avoiding the sharp tiny teeth of a chiahauhau as I laugh! I love it! Unfortunately, I can not take photos or film because I have been threatened with bodily harm if they ever get on Facebook! At least I get to enjoy the show every week!  Oh Chaddie, isn’t it nice to be loved and adored by a Pitbull and his tiny snarling side kick??

Garage sale

I was at a garage sale last week that had lots of great baby stuff. I noticed a couple of young moms trying to grab a few items before everyone else. Watching the competition going on, it took me back 34 years ago when I was 8 months pregnant with my daughter, and my mom and I went to a fantastic baby garage sale down the street from where she lived on Michigan Ave. This is a true story…

It was a sweltering middle of July day and my mom and I decided that were we going to go to every garage sale that we circled the night before in red that was advertised in the Herald Argus within 500 miles, that had baby items. I was 8 months pregnant with my first child and needed everything to complete my nursery and fill my whole house with useful baby stuff. We thanked our lucky stars for finding an add that promised ‘everything for baby’! And to top it off, it was within walking distance from my mom’s house that over looked Beechwood golf course! The sale started at 9am sharp so I got to mom’s by 6am to make sure she was up, dressed, bright eyed and bushy tailed and of course, to fix me breakfast.

Around 8:30, we thought it would be a good idea to walk down to the sale and wait. By the time we got to the house with ‘everything for baby’, there was a crowd standing outside already. It was mostly pregnant women, young moms holding cranky toddlers and grandmothers! The folks holding the sale had yellow tape going across the driveway to keep the anxious mama’s from storming the sale early to grab the coveted items that they were bringing outside to sit in the driveway. It was almost torture to see everything you always dreamed of getting for your first born being brought out, placed behind a yellow barrier in clean, perfect condition…within arms reach! As I was drooling over all these adorable, must have baby things, my mother leaned over and whispered in my ear…a plan. She pointed out all the expensive things that I must have for baby! The swing, the little play cart, the tub, the musical crib mobile, the playpen, the toys, the sheets, the bottles, the blankets, the breast pump! Oh my gosh…all of it!!! I started to panic! How was I going to get it all with half of La Porte’s new mothers there needing it all too! That’s when my mom went into her ‘mother mode’ and was going to get everything for her little girl who was having a baby, no matter what! She was like a football coach and directed me to go around the right side and grab the swing while she went to the left to grab the playpen filled with rattles and teething rings! Once we had the hard to find big items safely in our hands, we would circle back towards the middle and go for the cart, sheets, blankets, bottles, and if course, the pump that I wasn’t too thrilled about…but my mother promised that it would become my most treasured item, especially in the middle of the night. As she drilled this plan in my head, I noticed that other granny’s were whispering in the ears of new mom’s who were looking as bewildered as I was feeling! The crowd stood there behind the yellow tape, not a sound could be heard except for an occasional whimper from an over heated toddler. We were all watching, planning, waiting, plotting, eyeing each other. Then the brave woman who thought It be a great idea to put in her add ‘everything for baby’, did the sign of the cross, looked up towards the sky, mouthed a quick and desperate prayer, then untied the tape. The stampede was already at the tables before it floated to the ground! I took off to the right, mother took off to the left! I was going for that expensive, must have swing! I noticed out of the corner of my eye, that I was racing another very pregnant lady for MY swing! Two almost-to-their-due-date mama’s waddling to a baby swing as fast their swollen ankles would let them! My hand touched It 3 seconds before hers! SCORE! I gave her the aha look, she glared back, then turned her head towards ‘the pump’! She looked back at me, narrowed her eyes and took off! I yelled to my mother who was carrying an arm load of baby blankets, sheets, bed pads, and who knows what else, “pump”!! She saw the young mom quickly waddling to the table with MY pump on it, and took off to grab it! The race was on! Waddling mama went straight down between the middle tables overflowing with infant clothes, as my mother headed towards the side tables with sesame street baby toys and pull up rubber pants. I could see them lunging for the pump at the same time. My mother lost my pump. The new mom held it high in the air, loudly saying, “got it”! In a way, I was relived.

I was able to check off 20 must have baby items from my list that day. I proudly went home to show my overwhelmed daddy-to-be hubby the new swing ( that you had to wind up by hand), playpen filled with toys, yellow sheets (for a boy or girl), blankets, and other ‘must haves’ that I never used but by golly, I had them!!

Garage sale

I was at a garage sale last week that had lots of great baby stuff. I noticed a couple of young moms trying to grab a few items before everyone else. Watching the competition going on, it took me back 34 years ago when I was 8 months pregnant with my daughter, and my mom and I went to a fantastic baby garage sale down the street from where she lived on Michigan Ave. This is a true story…

It was a sweltering middle of July day and my mom and I decided that were we going to go to every garage sale that we circled the night before in red that was advertised in the Herald Argus within 500 miles, that had baby items. I was 8 months pregnant with my first child and needed everything to complete my nursery and fill my whole house with useful baby stuff. We thanked our lucky stars for finding an add that promised ‘everything for baby’! And to top it off, it was within walking distance from my mom’s house that over looked Beechwood golf course! The sale started at 9am sharp so I got to mom’s by 6am to make sure she was up, dressed, bright eyed and bushy tailed and of course, to fix me breakfast.

Around 8:30, we thought it would be a good idea to walk down to the sale and wait. By the time we got to the house with ‘everything for baby’, there was a crowd standing outside already. It was mostly pregnant women, young moms holding cranky toddlers and grandmothers! The folks holding the sale had yellow tape going across the driveway to keep the anxious mama’s from storming the sale early to grab the coveted items that they were bringing outside to sit in the driveway. It was almost torture to see everything you always dreamed of getting for your first born being brought out, placed behind a yellow barrier in clean, perfect condition…within arms reach! As I was drooling over all these adorable, must have baby things, my mother leaned over and whispered in my ear…a plan. She pointed out all the expensive things that I must have for baby! The swing, the little play cart, the tub, the musical crib mobile, the playpen, the toys, the sheets, the bottles, the blankets, the breast pump! Oh my gosh…all of it!!! I started to panic! How was I going to get it all with half of La Porte’s new mothers there needing it all too! That’s when my mom went into her ‘mother mode’ and was going to get everything for her little girl who was having a baby, no matter what! She was like a football coach and directed me to go around the right side and grab the swing while she went to the left to grab the playpen filled with rattles and teething rings! Once we had the hard to find big items safely in our hands, we would circle back towards the middle and go for the cart, sheets, blankets, bottles, and if course, the pump that I wasn’t too thrilled about…but my mother promised that it would become my most treasured item, especially in the middle of the night. As she drilled this plan in my head, I noticed that other granny’s were whispering in the ears of new mom’s who were looking as bewildered as I was feeling! The crowd stood there behind the yellow tape, not a sound could be heard except for an occasional whimper from an over heated toddler. We were all watching, planning, waiting, plotting, eyeing each other. Then the brave woman who thought It be a great idea to put in her add ‘everything for baby’, did the sign of the cross, looked up towards the sky, mouthed a quick and desperate prayer, then untied the tape. The stampede was already at the tables before it floated to the ground! I took off to the right, mother took off to the left! I was going for that expensive, must have swing! I noticed out of the corner of my eye, that I was racing another very pregnant lady for MY swing! Two almost-to-their-due-date mama’s waddling to a baby swing as fast their swollen ankles would let them! My hand touched It 3 seconds before hers! SCORE! I gave her the aha look, she glared back, then turned her head towards ‘the pump’! She looked back at me, narrowed her eyes and took off! I yelled to my mother who was carrying an arm load of baby blankets, sheets, bed pads, and who knows what else, “pump”!! She saw the young mom quickly waddling to the table with MY pump on it, and took off to grab it! The race was on! Waddling mama went straight down between the middle tables overflowing with infant clothes, as my mother headed towards the side tables with sesame street baby toys and pull up rubber pants. I could see them lunging for the pump at the same time. My mother lost my pump. The new mom held it high in the air, loudly saying, “got it”! In a way, I was relived.

I was able to check off 20 must have baby items from my list that day. I proudly went home to show my overwhelmed daddy-to-be hubby the new swing ( that you had to wind up by hand), playpen filled with toys, yellow sheets (for a boy or girl), blankets, and other ‘must haves’ that I never used but by golly, I had them!!