Guest being chased by a donkey!

As most of you know, we have a nice room that is on Airbnb (bed & breakfast). We have an older couple staying with us all weekend from N. Carolina. They aren’t exactly animal people and have no interest meeting the large fur balls in the pasture who have been staring at them like stalkers every time they go outside to eat on the porch. The llamas along with Dunkay, line up at the fence and watch these folks…every move they make, they see it…watching…waiting…hoping they will come over and give them a treat. Heck, it even creeps me out! Any who…I got up this morning and went downstairs to check on my guest.  They were standing by the front door, in their jammies, holding plates of food and coffee. They looked a bit ‘startled’. I asked what was wrong.  They told me they fixed some eggs and toast went outside to eat, hoping to enjoy the beautiful morning, when Dunkay barreled through the gate and galloped straight towards their plates of food! They sat there frozen to the chairs not sure if they should give up their breakfast to the beast or grab everything and run! They chose the latter! They got up, held the plates high and quickly walked to the front porch. Dunkay knocked over a chair and broke a plate as these two elderly folks tried to get away!  After he was done ‘wrecking havoc’ as she put it…he trotted to the front porch where they were trying to eat and demanded all the food…NOW! They ran back into the house, stood at the door, staring at it in disbelief.  That’s where I came in. I assured them that he really is harmless,  and coaxed them back to the kitchen.  I tried to make a joke out of it, but they didn’t think it was funny. They just looked at me with a blank stare!  I went outside looking for Mr Pain In the Butt. He was already back in the barn harassing the chickens.  I swept up the shattered plate, picked up the chair and scolded Dunkay as he stood inside the barn with his head peeking around the corner cause he knows better!   I don’t think these folks will be back.

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Wake up chad!!

And how does Super Farmer wake up on his days off??  An 85 pound Pit jumps on him trying to kiss him, then lays flat on top of Super Farmer! That’s when the tug of war for the blanket begins. Chad pulls it over his head demanding he get off of him, Biscuit hunkers down, sticking his nose under the cover to get a lick or 20 in!  Chad then tries to push him off calling Bisk some not so nice names.  The huge powerful Pit squeezes between chad and the bed with his paws over his chest still trying to kiss! AND… as all of this is going on, Chippie is under the covers growing and snapping at Biscuit through the blanket! So my now wide awake husband is trying to fight off the love and adoration of a Pit while avoiding the sharp tiny teeth of a chiahauhau as I laugh! I love it! Unfortunately, I can not take photos or film because I have been threatened with bodily harm if they ever get on Facebook! At least I get to enjoy the show every week!  Oh Chaddie, isn’t it nice to be loved and adored by a Pitbull and his tiny snarling side kick??

Garage sale

I was at a garage sale last week that had lots of great baby stuff. I noticed a couple of young moms trying to grab a few items before everyone else. Watching the competition going on, it took me back 34 years ago when I was 8 months pregnant with my daughter, and my mom and I went to a fantastic baby garage sale down the street from where she lived on Michigan Ave. This is a true story…

It was a sweltering middle of July day and my mom and I decided that were we going to go to every garage sale that we circled the night before in red that was advertised in the Herald Argus within 500 miles, that had baby items. I was 8 months pregnant with my first child and needed everything to complete my nursery and fill my whole house with useful baby stuff. We thanked our lucky stars for finding an add that promised ‘everything for baby’! And to top it off, it was within walking distance from my mom’s house that over looked Beechwood golf course! The sale started at 9am sharp so I got to mom’s by 6am to make sure she was up, dressed, bright eyed and bushy tailed and of course, to fix me breakfast.

Around 8:30, we thought it would be a good idea to walk down to the sale and wait. By the time we got to the house with ‘everything for baby’, there was a crowd standing outside already. It was mostly pregnant women, young moms holding cranky toddlers and grandmothers! The folks holding the sale had yellow tape going across the driveway to keep the anxious mama’s from storming the sale early to grab the coveted items that they were bringing outside to sit in the driveway. It was almost torture to see everything you always dreamed of getting for your first born being brought out, placed behind a yellow barrier in clean, perfect condition…within arms reach! As I was drooling over all these adorable, must have baby things, my mother leaned over and whispered in my ear…a plan. She pointed out all the expensive things that I must have for baby! The swing, the little play cart, the tub, the musical crib mobile, the playpen, the toys, the sheets, the bottles, the blankets, the breast pump! Oh my gosh…all of it!!! I started to panic! How was I going to get it all with half of La Porte’s new mothers there needing it all too! That’s when my mom went into her ‘mother mode’ and was going to get everything for her little girl who was having a baby, no matter what! She was like a football coach and directed me to go around the right side and grab the swing while she went to the left to grab the playpen filled with rattles and teething rings! Once we had the hard to find big items safely in our hands, we would circle back towards the middle and go for the cart, sheets, blankets, bottles, and if course, the pump that I wasn’t too thrilled about…but my mother promised that it would become my most treasured item, especially in the middle of the night. As she drilled this plan in my head, I noticed that other granny’s were whispering in the ears of new mom’s who were looking as bewildered as I was feeling! The crowd stood there behind the yellow tape, not a sound could be heard except for an occasional whimper from an over heated toddler. We were all watching, planning, waiting, plotting, eyeing each other. Then the brave woman who thought It be a great idea to put in her add ‘everything for baby’, did the sign of the cross, looked up towards the sky, mouthed a quick and desperate prayer, then untied the tape. The stampede was already at the tables before it floated to the ground! I took off to the right, mother took off to the left! I was going for that expensive, must have swing! I noticed out of the corner of my eye, that I was racing another very pregnant lady for MY swing! Two almost-to-their-due-date mama’s waddling to a baby swing as fast their swollen ankles would let them! My hand touched It 3 seconds before hers! SCORE! I gave her the aha look, she glared back, then turned her head towards ‘the pump’! She looked back at me, narrowed her eyes and took off! I yelled to my mother who was carrying an arm load of baby blankets, sheets, bed pads, and who knows what else, “pump”!! She saw the young mom quickly waddling to the table with MY pump on it, and took off to grab it! The race was on! Waddling mama went straight down between the middle tables overflowing with infant clothes, as my mother headed towards the side tables with sesame street baby toys and pull up rubber pants. I could see them lunging for the pump at the same time. My mother lost my pump. The new mom held it high in the air, loudly saying, “got it”! In a way, I was relived.

I was able to check off 20 must have baby items from my list that day. I proudly went home to show my overwhelmed daddy-to-be hubby the new swing ( that you had to wind up by hand), playpen filled with toys, yellow sheets (for a boy or girl), blankets, and other ‘must haves’ that I never used but by golly, I had them!!

Garage sale

I was at a garage sale last week that had lots of great baby stuff. I noticed a couple of young moms trying to grab a few items before everyone else. Watching the competition going on, it took me back 34 years ago when I was 8 months pregnant with my daughter, and my mom and I went to a fantastic baby garage sale down the street from where she lived on Michigan Ave. This is a true story…

It was a sweltering middle of July day and my mom and I decided that were we going to go to every garage sale that we circled the night before in red that was advertised in the Herald Argus within 500 miles, that had baby items. I was 8 months pregnant with my first child and needed everything to complete my nursery and fill my whole house with useful baby stuff. We thanked our lucky stars for finding an add that promised ‘everything for baby’! And to top it off, it was within walking distance from my mom’s house that over looked Beechwood golf course! The sale started at 9am sharp so I got to mom’s by 6am to make sure she was up, dressed, bright eyed and bushy tailed and of course, to fix me breakfast.

Around 8:30, we thought it would be a good idea to walk down to the sale and wait. By the time we got to the house with ‘everything for baby’, there was a crowd standing outside already. It was mostly pregnant women, young moms holding cranky toddlers and grandmothers! The folks holding the sale had yellow tape going across the driveway to keep the anxious mama’s from storming the sale early to grab the coveted items that they were bringing outside to sit in the driveway. It was almost torture to see everything you always dreamed of getting for your first born being brought out, placed behind a yellow barrier in clean, perfect condition…within arms reach! As I was drooling over all these adorable, must have baby things, my mother leaned over and whispered in my ear…a plan. She pointed out all the expensive things that I must have for baby! The swing, the little play cart, the tub, the musical crib mobile, the playpen, the toys, the sheets, the bottles, the blankets, the breast pump! Oh my gosh…all of it!!! I started to panic! How was I going to get it all with half of La Porte’s new mothers there needing it all too! That’s when my mom went into her ‘mother mode’ and was going to get everything for her little girl who was having a baby, no matter what! She was like a football coach and directed me to go around the right side and grab the swing while she went to the left to grab the playpen filled with rattles and teething rings! Once we had the hard to find big items safely in our hands, we would circle back towards the middle and go for the cart, sheets, blankets, bottles, and if course, the pump that I wasn’t too thrilled about…but my mother promised that it would become my most treasured item, especially in the middle of the night. As she drilled this plan in my head, I noticed that other granny’s were whispering in the ears of new mom’s who were looking as bewildered as I was feeling! The crowd stood there behind the yellow tape, not a sound could be heard except for an occasional whimper from an over heated toddler. We were all watching, planning, waiting, plotting, eyeing each other. Then the brave woman who thought It be a great idea to put in her add ‘everything for baby’, did the sign of the cross, looked up towards the sky, mouthed a quick and desperate prayer, then untied the tape. The stampede was already at the tables before it floated to the ground! I took off to the right, mother took off to the left! I was going for that expensive, must have swing! I noticed out of the corner of my eye, that I was racing another very pregnant lady for MY swing! Two almost-to-their-due-date mama’s waddling to a baby swing as fast their swollen ankles would let them! My hand touched It 3 seconds before hers! SCORE! I gave her the aha look, she glared back, then turned her head towards ‘the pump’! She looked back at me, narrowed her eyes and took off! I yelled to my mother who was carrying an arm load of baby blankets, sheets, bed pads, and who knows what else, “pump”!! She saw the young mom quickly waddling to the table with MY pump on it, and took off to grab it! The race was on! Waddling mama went straight down between the middle tables overflowing with infant clothes, as my mother headed towards the side tables with sesame street baby toys and pull up rubber pants. I could see them lunging for the pump at the same time. My mother lost my pump. The new mom held it high in the air, loudly saying, “got it”! In a way, I was relived.

I was able to check off 20 must have baby items from my list that day. I proudly went home to show my overwhelmed daddy-to-be hubby the new swing ( that you had to wind up by hand), playpen filled with toys, yellow sheets (for a boy or girl), blankets, and other ‘must haves’ that I never used but by golly, I had them!!

Shopping carts!

Shopping anywhere is always an adventure and sometimes embarrassing for me. I’ve noticed that I always pick out the cart that either wobbles from side to side, pulls to the right or left, has a mind of it’s own by turning when I’m going straight, or it clunks so loud that you can hear me in the auto department coming through the front doors! There can be 400 carts sitting there waiting to be picked and I always choose the difficult one. It’s like they see me standing there eyeing them over trying to figure out which one doesn’t squeak, wobble or pull. I think the ones in back push the damaged one towards me then snicker. So, 99.9% of my shopping experience is fighting with my cart and avoiding narrowed eyes that look at me because my cart is so loud, annoyed that they have to cover the ears of their babies as I pass by or jump out of the way because my cart has decided to head towards them as it speeds up on it’s own!
I know, your wondering why I don’t take it back and get another one. Everytime I do, I get one that’s worse! So I just take my difficult cart and shop and try not to angrily talk to it outloud as it wobbles, screams, pulls, and turn corners without me!

Not my pig!

Well, I’ve had multiple people tag me in a post about a fat little pig waddling down 250N which isn’t far from us. The first tag made me jump off the chair, knock over chippie and run to the back door to see if she was still trying to figure out how to get on the table where the grain was. She was not there. I go into automatic loose-animal-search-mode, and run towards the llamas who were napping under our big oak tree. Poor kids, I freaked them out by running full speed towards them yelling for Remi. After the llamas scampered off in different directions, I kept yelling for that darn pig which made every bird in the many trees we have on the farm have fly up and away squawking. I found her behind the garage napping in the cool tall grass. I carefully tipped toed away, because I didn’t want her to wake up, see me, and follow me to the house harassing me for food.

All I know is that someone else is running down the road with a cup of grain trying to get their fat little porker back to their house. Mine is safe and I’m not being publicly embarrassed by chasing a pig down a road for all to see!

The spider dance

AARRGGHH! I just did the “GET THE SPIDER OFF OF ME” dance! I was making my bed, turned the sheet over to pull it up, when I saw a big, hairy, 200 legged, ugly brown, beady eyed, spider looking up at me! I grabbed some Kleenex, chased it down my bed and caught it! I’m sorry, but I did the death squish on it. I opened up the ball of tissue to make sure it wasn’t breathing anymore, only to find it was still alive and now angry! It jumped out of the Kleenex and landed on my arm! I was dancing around the room flinging my arm around trying to keep it from taking revenge by biting me! Biscuit heard the commotion, ran into our bedroom to save his mama! The hairy horror lost its death grip on my arm, flew through the air and landed in front of Biscuit who was dancing with me. The spider got on its back legs, raised its front legs towards Biscuit ready to fight! And what did my fearless Pitbull do? He turned around and ran out of the room, leaving me with a very, very mad spider. I was about to faint when Chad came in and instinctively stepped on it. My hero!! Of course, then he realized he had made the fateful step barefooted and joined me in the now referenced “dance of the Hairy Spider” 😮

TV talk

So, I’m sitting here watching TV and I noticed that all of the people in ‘home grown commercials’, use their hands a lot and nod their heads non stop, up and down, side to side, along with talking loud like everyone is hard of hearing.  It’s not a normal way to talk. Of course my imagination starts to go off in a strange direction, and I was wondering what would my animals think if I went out there and loudly talked to them nodding my head like it was going to fall off as my hands were constantly moving, arms waving like I had waaaaaay to much coffee. I can picture it going something like this…

The llamas are peacefully munching the lush green grass, daydreaming about the pasture next to them that we haven’t opened up yet. I go out there, stand in front of them and start my TV talk. They look up at me, mouths full of grass and clover and stare at the crazy farmer lady, wondering what is she up to now and why is she embarrassing them in public…again. They glance at each other, look past me for an escape route, back away slowly then gallop away in different directions.  I shrug my shoulders and go do the ‘talk’ with Dunkay and Laci. The horse falls asleep with boredom, and Dunkay? I imagine that he stands there chewing away, nodding at me like he’s agreeing with everything I’m saying. That’s when I would notice a crowd standing outside our fence filming that ‘crazy farm lady’ as she stands in front of a nodding donkey, head bouncing up and down,  hands and arms waving like shes trying to get a swarm of bees away from her, louding talking about ‘how you deserve someone who will fight for you!’