All posts by Addie Funny Farm

About Addie Funny Farm

Addie Acres is located in the middle of corn fields with woods outlining the edges. There is a big metal barn that is home to 4 Llamas', 1 Alpaca, 2 mini horses that are so fat it's hard to call them 'mini', 1 donkey that thinks he's a dog, 2 ding bat goat's that never, ever shut up, too many hens, 4 roosters that have their days and nights mixed up, 5 barn kitties that watch the mice instead of chasing them and 4 spotted bunnies that have escaped their pens and are now helping the rabbit population go from basic brown to black and white mixed with butterscotch. My animals rule, control and play tricks on the humans that live a few feet away! Addie Acres has become the 'Funny Farm'! I've been jotting down our experience with the animals for awhile now and have decided to put all my stories in one place. Who knows, maybe someone else can find humor as they shake their head in agreement. Only us FARMERS really knows what goes on inside the "Barn"! Enjoy my journey as I try to control the animals that rule me!

Another sale day for kyle

Yep, its sale day. A day where Chad and I work, work, and work some more! It’s also the day that Kyle gets to babysit the animals who always seem to know when he’s coming! I swear they all have a sixth sense about when he is going to be here to cater to them! I think they stay up all night planning out kyles day for his torment and their enjoyment! The poor kid can’t even sneak in through the back door without them knowing about it! He can be driving down Waverly and they run to the fence straining to watch for his car. The second they spot it , they gallop to their assigned post and wait. Each with their own evil grin, sinister giggles escaping through their nostrils. Kyle pulls up, sprints to the back hoping to go unnoticed only to hear Lincoln scream out his warning cry to let all barn animals know that the games have begun!!
God bless my son, may he survive this day with all his fingers and toes intact and his sanity!

Advertisements

Fun with mother

Fun with mother…

I took mother to Walmart so she could fill up her fridge with things she doesn’t need, just wants. After my normal one hour search for her, I finally found her by the check out and informed her I’m done and ready to hit the road, after all, I can see sunlight coming through the front doors. It was dark and cloudy when we came in so I’m getting the itch to see what’s out there swimming around in the sunshine. I walk up to her and before I could say ‘howdy doody’ she shoves a pack of feminine ‘things’ at me saying she should only get one package instead of two so please take these back for her. I politely say, nope as I drop it back in her basket, I’m not walking the length of the store holding female unmentionables as people quickly look away so as not to embarrass me. She picked up the package that advertises for ladies only in big bold letters on every side, and gave it to me again, firmly telling me to take them back. I once again dropped them back into her basket and with gusto said, ‘nope, not doing it!’ We stood there eyeing each other up and down, arms crossed…a mother daughter stand off! Me armed with youthful stance, and my mother armed with a cane who is not afraid to use it, neither one of us moving, trying to out wait the other. Finally, she suggested that we leave it on a shelf next to us and let an employee find it and put it back. I agreed, so I picked it up and was leaning over to place it on the shelf when an older couple who I don’t know but apparently know me, say, “Hi Mrs Addie…love your pictures!” as they eyeball my package.

A chippie day

Chad looks at me like I’m nuts sometimes…I dont know why because I’m always coming up with these great ideas! Today I thought it would be fun to have a Chippie day. What’s so nutty about that? I suggested that we both show Mr Snarly how much we love, adore, and appreciate him by carrying him around all day and not let his tiny feet touch the ground (which would be a challenge when he goes potty but I’m sure Super Farmer will be able to figure that one out!), we would take turns…Chad will carry him the first half of the day, I’ll carry him the second half of the day, at nighttime…you know, when we’re just sitting around watching the boob tube tossing the cat back and forth towards each other as we try to eat without a paw swiping at our forks! Chad can take him to the barn and arm wrestle the large animals while holding Mr Growly, he can do his paper work as Mr Teeth snuggles against his chest. And of course, Chad will hold Mr Unhappy as he fills up my gas tank for me.
Now, dont get me wrong, of course I’ll be doing my Chippie holding too as I watch TV, work on Facebook and of course sleep!
Sounds like fun and a great way to bond with our fur baby! I can’t wait until we have a Biscuit day!!

Sounds at the farm

So funny! Chad is on the riding lawn mower and I’m pulling up the dead sticks out front. Biscuit is running back and forth like a rabid dog barking at the mower through the fence as Chad yells out, “BOB” at the turkey so we can hear him gobble! The circus is performing right now. Me laughing out front, Chad mowing yelling BOB as Biscuits runs around like a crazy dog while the turkey gobbles away! Only us. 😁🤪😁

Wine crash!

Oh my gosh! I was shopping at Als following my mother around like a good child to make sure she didn’t fall into a freezer or something just as bizarre, when I looked up and noticed my cart was headed straight for the bottles of wine…on it’s own of course. I had to put on the brakes and barley stopped within 2 hairs of hitting them, knocking them over! I could just see it…50 bottles of the most expensive wine in the store crashing to the floor shattering into 5 million shardes of glass! Wine spilling and splashing, drenching me and every other unfortunate customer within 10 feet of me! The whole store will shake, releasing a sonic boom that could be heard for miles! After the deafening sound…one could hear a pin drop as every person turned their head towards me, glaring because I just helped to add an extra ten years onto their already way too short life span.
As I was standing there thinking to myself, ‘whew, I just avoided another catastrophe, I sure don’t need to read in the Herald Argus, the News Dispatch, USA Today, Time Magazine, or the Chicago Tribune, about how Addie Acres destroyed Al’s Super Market and causes a wide spread panic!’, when mother came up, raised her cane at me, shook it and scolded me for looking at the wine! After all, she didn’t raise me to a be a wino and no child of hers was going to drink and become a lush!

Morning revenge!

Yep, its 6:30 AM. I’ve been up since before dawn…just one of those nights where I can’t sleep. As I laid in bed tossing and turning, I noticed how quiet it was outside. No rooster screeching or donkey HEE HAAAAWING, no alpaca screaming at an early jogger, no pig loudly grunting at the gate for her breakfast-lunch-dinner-midnight snack to be served all at once…all day.
No farm sounds! At first I was like, ‘Yes! Finally nobody is being a pre-dawn pain!’
Then I got worried and thought, ‘oh my gosh, what if they all mysteriously died at the same time? What if they broke through the fence and are running down the road or across the street eating the neighbors daffodils!’ What if aliens came and beamed them up because they want to examine and study the most frustrating animals known to man, and figure out why they do what they do (good luck with that one, they’ll send Dunkay back down in less than 10 seconds!)? What if?
So then I got this not so bright idea and thought I would sneak out there in my red puppy dog robe and do my famous Farmer lady yodel and wake THEM up for a change! Oh the thought of sweet revenge! I happily pictured it in my mind!
I sneak out there just as the sun was starting to peek over the tree tops, I find them snuggled deep into the hay sleeping, their little legs twitching, snores coming ftom Remi’s house, Sugar Baby cuddled up to Sweetie as she unconsciously tries to push him away. The turkeys snoozed beak to beak. Dunkay sleeps standing up next to the hay bin, still guarding it. Laci never made it inside the barn, she is still in the back pasture sleeping with a mouthful of grass. The rooster is perched way up high so he when he wakes them all up in the morning before they’re ready, no one can get him!
Nobody hears me, I stand in the middle of the barn and yell out my loudest, best farm yodel on this side of Kentucky!
Dunkay falls over, the turkeys flap high into the air with feathers flying, the chickens are squawking flying into each other, the llamas race to the door (except for Lincoln, he takes on his fight stance) the pig runs out of her house to see where breakfast is, and the rooster? Well he struts over to me, winks, giving me a nod as if to say, ‘yep, that was a good one human’!

A texting argument

So, married couples and others who just cannot live, survive without your significant other…do you ever have a little spat and go into silent mode because your stubbornness won’t let you ask a very important question or tell them something they really need to know? You too? Well, I know it’s hard to believe, but once in a great while, HE will do, not do, say, or not say something that automatically makes my brain go into ‘I’m not talking to him for the next 50 years’ mode!
Last night was one of those fun evenings.  Only problem,  I had to tell him something important but my mouth refused to open. So I did the next best thing…I texted him. Here we are, 12 inches away from each other watching TV, glaring at each other every 5 minutes playing ‘push the cat off of me and towards each other’ game. I texted him, he texted back. Back and forth having an important conversation over the phone sitting a few inches away from each other as the kitty was shoved from one lap to the other! You should’ve seen us!  At one point of the silent conversation, the texting got ‘heated’…he would type real fast then hit the send button hard, sit there and glare waiting for me to respond! Then I would angrily hit those letters and hit send, and do MY glare.
After a few minutes of a heated conversation in text sitting next to each other, we both looked up from our heated phones and laughed!
We made up, snuggled and texted each other how much we love each other!