All posts by Addie Funny Farm

About Addie Funny Farm

Addie Acres is located in the middle of corn fields with woods outlining the edges. There is a big metal barn that is home to 4 Llamas', 1 Alpaca, 2 mini horses that are so fat it's hard to call them 'mini', 1 donkey that thinks he's a dog, 2 ding bat goat's that never, ever shut up, too many hens, 4 roosters that have their days and nights mixed up, 5 barn kitties that watch the mice instead of chasing them and 4 spotted bunnies that have escaped their pens and are now helping the rabbit population go from basic brown to black and white mixed with butterscotch. My animals rule, control and play tricks on the humans that live a few feet away! Addie Acres has become the 'Funny Farm'! I've been jotting down our experience with the animals for awhile now and have decided to put all my stories in one place. Who knows, maybe someone else can find humor as they shake their head in agreement. Only us FARMERS really knows what goes on inside the "Barn"! Enjoy my journey as I try to control the animals that rule me!

The cars that slow down.

Today I’ve been putzing around in the barn, pastures, yard…cleaning up, rearranging…you know, farm stuff. I always make sure Dunkay and the llamas know that I am always watching them by pointing two fingers at my eyes then pointing towards them. Its a weird habit I developed almost 9 years ago. Well, I noticed that I am now doing it to Remi, more than Dunkay! I always wonder if folks think I’m weird when they drive by and see me doing my ‘I’m watching you so NO funny business’ gesture to all animals that are within eye site. Once in awhile, they see me doing my gesture as I stomp my feet in frustration! I just can hear in my head the type of conversations going on inside the cars slowly driving by.

Person one: “oh look honey the animals are out by the road.”
Person two: “yeah they are, slow down so we can see them!”
Person one: “oh goody! The crazy lady is out there with them! Maybe she’ll do something weird again!”
Person two: “oh I hope so! Remember when she was chasing that pig around as the donkey followed her?”
Person one and two are now laughing.
Person one: “hey kids, look up, its that funny farm again!”
Two little faces are plastered to the glass.
Kids in unison: “slow down! We see that funny lady running towards the barn! Oh look the donkey is running too!”
Person two: “Yes! She’s out! STOP the car! Where’s my phone?! I gotta film her!”

Yep…that’s how I picture conversations going on in the cars that are crawling past the farm! I think we’ve made more necks strain sideways and backwards than our hens have laid eggs!


Going to the dentist

Its kinda embarrassing when you go to the dentist, sit in their spotless, squeaky clean, sterlie room, sit in the torture chair, look at all the devices that your praying against, just to notice that you have pieces of hay all over your sweater and a dirt spot on your jeans in the shape of Remi’s nose. I apologized to the very nice, younger than my children, assistance for now contaminating their germ free room as I crossed my legs so the pigs nose print was hidden. She laughed it off while vigorously rubbing her hands in half a bottle of germ-x. Thank goodness they all know that when they finally get me out the door so they can re-sterilize the room that makes people tremble in fear, that I always leave part of our farm with them whether its hay, straw, llama hair, or barn mud…and they don’t seem to mind!

Llamas scaring the guest

I sometimes forget that our llamas can be a bit intimidating to folks who have never been around large animals. I had a lady come by recently to drop something off, and she went around to the back porch. Well, all the llamas were out grazing in the yard, chilling out, when they saw her come around the corner. Our llamas are smarter than the average bear…they have learned over the years that humans they don’t recognize, usually means that extra treats are coming their way! So all four galloped to the porch, surrounding her in 5.9 seconds. By the time I caught up with her, she was plastered to the siding, her arms outstretched with a horrified look, a silent scream was escaping out of her open mouth! Sweetie, our non shy-much to friendly-llama, had her face an inch away from the terrified woman! She turned her head, squeezed her eyes closed and waited for the attack! I calmy said to Sweetie, “now, now…remember I told you no eating the guest”, trying to be funny. The nice lady, opened one eye to look at me trying to figure out if she should, laugh, cry, or scream! I then realized that she really was freaking out so I pushed four large animals who had her surrounded, away so she could relax and move off the wall. I apologized and asked her if she wanted to feed them some grain…you know, so she wouldn’t be terrified anymore of a 250lb, 7 foot tall animal that likes to spit! She kindly glared at me, but was polite and said “NO thank you, I really have to go” then half ran towards the gate which was a mistake on her part. Dunkay was out, so he ran with her because he thought it was play time! Oh my camera! I needed my camera! A terrified lady waving her arms behind her back to keep the donkey away as she ran towards the gate while I yelled at Dunkay to stop! I don’t think she’ll be back…heck, she probably unfriended me before she started her truck!!

Mother and her coupons!

Fun with mother.

My mom, gotta love her. She has become more frugal in her golden years. With her fixed income she is very money conscious. She hunts down coupons like a fox after a small rodent. She buys every newspaper offered in this area just to get her hands on the bundle of advertisements inside for the coupons. She will even ask her neighbors if they want theirs. She is in 7th heaven when she spreads out her treasure maps on the table. She has a ‘must use’ pile, a ‘might use’ pile, a ‘who knows’ pile, and her ‘still to expensive to use’ pile. She will sit there, glasses halfway up her nose, and concentrate on every single coupon. Sometimes she looks at the front and back over and over, reading every sentence to make sure she has the correct date and how many you can get, just right. She then makes little piles…her now and later stacks.
When I pick up mother to take her to the store, she will hand me her ‘must have right now’ pile of coupons, making sure I have a tight grip on them so they don’t fall out of my hand. I then pack up my mother and her precious papers into the Jeep to have an adventure at 50 different stores because they all have their own special sales going on and you can only use their coupon! Mother gleefully goes on the hunt for her deal of day. She walks up and down every isle stalking her prey. Most times when we go to check out, the clerk who has waited on mother and her coupons before, will slip away and wave over the new kid to help mom go through 200 coupons for only 20 items. That’s when I advise the new clerk to shut down the lane and pull up a chair, and introduce them to mom so they’re on a first name basis. That’s when I do my shopping! I can get a week’s worth of groceries, go back to mother and the ‘I’m now quiting my job’ clerk, to find its perfect timing…we both got done at the same time!

I get mother back into the Jeep with her bags of sale items, a smaller pile of coupons, and I thank the good Lord above that we made it! We only have 10 more places to go to hunt down those daily specials with coupons!

Fun with mother

Fun with mother

I took my mother shopping yesterday. She had 492 things to pick up and all those items were at different stores…of course.

Our last stop for the day was at Meijers in MC. Since we had been shopping most of the day, she was tired, more slow than usual, and a bit on the cranky side. As always, I lost her. After walking the store 200 times, I told myself that I’m going to get her a cow bell and hang it on her or the cart so I can find her within 5 minutes, not 5 hours. I was about to give up and call security when I heard the main door alarm go off. Most of the time, I don’t pay attention to the alarm blaring through the store, but for some reason this ringing bell perk up my ‘lost mother radar’. I quickly went to the front to make sure my mother wasn’t some how involved in upsetting the whole store! Well…she was. Now don’t get me wrong, she wasn’t stealing anything…she just happened to be standing next to the security alarm with her basket waiting for me to come up. Some body else set off the alarm but my mom thought it was her. She was loudly telling every customer within ear shout, that she was innocent and they were trying to frame her! The nice gentleman who greets everyone was trying to calm her down by reassuring her that nobody thought she was A thief! She wasn’t buying it. She waved her cane at him and demanded her lawyer! I thanked the flustered man and kindly told the crowd that nothing was wrong as I took my mother’s basket with her hanging on it out the door. She was still demanding a lawyer, proclaiming her innocence all the way to the Jeep. I took her home keeping my mouth shut as she went on and on about how she never stoled anything in her entire life expect for when she was around 6yrs old…she took a candy bar that her mother caught her eating in her bedroom. Nana marched her back to the store with the empty wrapper clutched in her tiny hand, chocolate smudged around her mouth, to tell the clerk she was very, very sorry…promising to never steal again…a promise she proudly told me, that she has kept to this day! Therefore, no one was going to accuse HER of stealing!! I just nodded my head and drove faster.

Dunkay and the gate

I need camera’s all around this farm. I walked the pastures today picking up trash and twine from the hay bales. How 2000 strings get out there is beyond me! Do the animals pick up the twine and carry it out? Any who…I was in the back pasture picking up twine happy that Dunkay had stopped following me, it’s kind of hard to find string with a donkey 3 steps behind me trying to chew on everything I’m carrying. So I’m in the back field picking up trash, when I hear the metal gate clinking with the chain that’s wrapped around it. I can hear it banging against the metal. I straightened up, rolled my eyes knowing that the donkey is doing something I don’t want to see or know about, but my curiosity got the best of me so I turned around. There he was, half way through the gate with the chain wrapped around his neck, back and front legs (no he wasn’t in danger) throwing his head back playing with the chain. I pointed my finger at him, stomped my feet in the boots with little pink horses on it, and yelled at him to stop it!

He stopped for about 5.8 seconds. He then went back to playing with the chain. I stared at him wondering if I should ignore him and hope he doesn’t knock the gate down or walk over there, grab the chain away from the donkey and risk playing tug of war with him. I decided to leave him alone and whisper the ‘why me’ prayer, that’s when I noticed that Dillon the old goat was standing next to me watching the show. I patted him on the head and thanked him for being a good boy. He baaaaaa’d at me as Dunkay threw the chain down and trotted away out of boredom.

Well…it’s rooster season. The snow and ice is gone, the temp is now above the freezing mark and Mr Rooster has been cooped up all winter being hen pecked by the girls! He is more than ready to get away from the chicken house and stretch his wings, practice on his loud annoying cock-a-dooooodle-doooooo under my window and wake up all of God’s creatures big and small before daybreak and after dusk. He doesn’t crow in the daylight…noooooooo…not OUR rooster. He starts when the very last bit of sun is out of the sky and he stops right before that sun ray stretches over the horizon in the morning. He starts his screeching in the barn and finishes it under my bedroom window with his famous grand finale…the loudest, scariest, twilight zone sound ever to come out of a birds beak. He won’t stop the horror movie sound until he sees me through the window curtains shaking my fist at him, watching my mouth move in an angry way! Mr Rooster then knows that the reason for his being on earth is now done. He shakes his feathers, puffs out his chest and struts back to the coop, head held high, proud of himself as all the animals angrily glare at him for keeping them awake all night! I think I’m going to polish and sharpen Mr Axe and lean it against the house to remind Mr Rooster that the humans rules and he drools…without a head if he doesn’t shut up!