All posts by Addie Funny Farm

About Addie Funny Farm

Addie Acres is located in the middle of corn fields with woods outlining the edges. There is a big metal barn that is home to 4 Llamas', 1 Alpaca, 2 mini horses that are so fat it's hard to call them 'mini', 1 donkey that thinks he's a dog, 2 ding bat goat's that never, ever shut up, too many hens, 4 roosters that have their days and nights mixed up, 5 barn kitties that watch the mice instead of chasing them and 4 spotted bunnies that have escaped their pens and are now helping the rabbit population go from basic brown to black and white mixed with butterscotch. My animals rule, control and play tricks on the humans that live a few feet away! Addie Acres has become the 'Funny Farm'! I've been jotting down our experience with the animals for awhile now and have decided to put all my stories in one place. Who knows, maybe someone else can find humor as they shake their head in agreement. Only us FARMERS really knows what goes on inside the "Barn"! Enjoy my journey as I try to control the animals that rule me!

Dirty winter coat.

So, I had to go home to pick up something I forgot before I went to Wal-Mart and found our pig outside where she wasn’t suppose to be. I chased her around, got her inside the barn, and got surrounded by starving animals, turkeys, chickens, cats and something furry that I didn’t reconize. Of course I was wearing my good white winter coat. After coaxing the escaped pig with food while pushing Dunkay, Laci, Dillon the old goat, turkeys and other various critters out of my way who were taking turns trying to knock the cup of grain out of my hand…my expensive,white jacket got baptised in barn smells along with icky animal stuff…you know…stuff. So I dropped off my nice, not so white anymore, winter coat to the dry cleaners. I put it on the counter so the nice lady could take it. She looked at it, scrunched her nose a bit, stepped back, looked at me with narrowed eyes, and said, “are you sure you don’t want to just throw it away and buy a new one”? I said, “no, I really like this use to be white, swede coat”. She picked it up the way you would a dirty diaper…with two fingers, carrying it at arms length to the back. Gosh…just because it was caked with hay, sticks, donkey fur, goat slobber, a couple of turkey feathers, along with spots that are not from humans, and smelled like a llama-donkey-horse-goat-pig barn, doesn’t mean it can’t be cleaned. Of course, after she left, I quickly wiped off the counter that was now filled with hay, feathers and fur.

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Snow and llamas!

Lake effect snow…gotta love it! Blue skies one minute, white out conditions the next! Sun, snow, sun, snow. So what’s so great about that you ask? The barn animals act like the weather. Sun…run out, look for anything edible. Snow…race back to the barn before it lands on their warm bodies. Sun…gallop out again to the patch of green that was dug up 2 minutes ago. Snow…race each other back to the barn to claim the warm spot. Sun…out again to search for the grass they thought they saw for a full 30 seconds before the annoying white stuff came down again. Snow…run, gallop, shove, spit their way back to the barn. Sun…well, you get the idea.

Llamas and a pig

Well, we finally convinced the llamas that it is safe to share space with a pig and got them to come inside the barn. Of course promising them a cup or two of sweet grain always helps. We got them to walk past Remi with out a warning call from Lincoln, spitting from Violet or Sweetie, and no bucking from Sammie. They did however, push their way into the warm spot that Dunkay had already claimed for the long winter months, and shoved him out towards the pig who seemed to offer him a cozy spot with her. Dunkay doesn’t want to sit with a non-stop grunting, rooting, eats more than him animal that smells! So he barreled right between those llamas and took over the warm spot again. Remi, being the lady she is, offered the cozy spot inside her area to the llamas who looked at her pig pen with disgust mixed with horror and galloped out of the barn. That left me pointing my finger at the donkey as I lectured him about barn rules, Super Farmer holding two cups of tasty grain forming another plan, Dunkay in the warm spot swishing his rain in victory, Laci sleeping in the corner out of boredom, Dillon circling us Baaaaaaing because he hasn’t eaten for 10 minutes, and Remi? Well she’s happily snorting as she chases her tail.

Sbow day and a pig!

Woo hoo its snow day! I love the first snow fall! The llamas hate snow and they usally gallop towards the barn as the very first snow flake slowly swirls towards earth. This is how I imagined it was like early this morning…

Three llamas, one alpaca, out in the pasture nibbling up every blade of grass, brown and green, as they keep an eye on the clouds that are rolling in. As soon as a flake is spotted, Lincoln does his warning siren and they gallop towards the barn! But wait! There’s a pig inside there now and they hate pigs more than snow! Oh no!!! 3 llamas, 1 alpaca standing at the barn door as the snow starts to pile on their backs, hooves getting cold, flakes delicately balancing on their eye lashes! Go in? Stay out? Go in? Stay out? They take a vote on who’s going in to make sure that creature is penned up good and no where near the warm spot! The alpaca loses. Lincoln bravely inches inside as the other 3 huddle at the entrance, shivering with cold and fear of the creature that eats everything put in front of it. Remi Doodle looks up, sees a llama for the first time (all week she’s only seen them run past the door) greets her new family member with her stubby little black feet on the flimsy metal gate that keeps her from charging at the gang, with a loud snort, grunt and a sneeze! Lincoln screams out his warning cry again, his back up team that was encouraging him is long gone and Remi Doodle is prancing around her area making all kinds of cute piggy sounds!!! Yep…I’m sure it was just like that because the four ding bats are still outside staring at the warm, cozy barn filled with delicious hay…and that creature.

New Kid In Town!

Well, the llamas refuse to go inside the barn with a pig in there. It took a full day before Dunkay and Laci would go in. I don’t know what the problem is. She’s small and in her own area, so its not like they will be rubbing against her, or having a pig run between their legs, or a grunting animal shove them away from all food, scraps and scratch grain! Its going to be 30 degrees colder with lots of wind tomorrow, they don’t like the cold and wind. They better form a plan soon and accept that a grunting, rooting, food stealing, attention grabbing, show stealing, new favorite, cuter than them piggy, is now sharing their living quarters!

Cash or not?

Nothing like going to the store and say to the clerk, “oh wait, I have cash in my pocket”! I start to dig around and pull out some crumbled kleenx, a small dog biscuit from the bank, wrinkled receipts from their competitors, unwrapped gum, old candy that looks like its from the 1950s, chap stick without the lid that is sticking up and full of dead bugs, fuzz, and dirt (this is where the clerk takes a step back and graps the germ-x), and finally after the 12″ pile (that is covered in hay and straw mixed with sweet grain from the barn) is now on the counter! I slammed a hand full of pennies that are now green, with a few nickles and said in my most shocked voice, “gosh I was sure I had a ten in here”! The clerk glares at me, the manager is calling for another line to open, the 3 people behind me are offering to pay for my items so they can go home before dinner time, and me…well I’m fascinated by how the grain is forming a cool looking patteren that makes me want to take a pic of it!

Thanking my animals on Thanksgiving

Yep, its thanksgiving. The day I go out to the barn to gaze upon adorable furry faces, thanking each and every one of them for making my life more enjoyable, fun, exciting, happy, fulfilled and of course…stressful (followed close with annoyance, frustration and temper tantrums). As I sweetly talk to larger than myself fur babies, they lose interest after about the 3rd or 4th word. I usually find myself left with one animal, Dunkay, staring at me with love and adoration…thanking me for being his human. Yeah right, he’s hungry and wants…cookies…sweet potatoes…pumpkin pie…buttered rolls. He knows its turkey day, he can smell every thanksgiving meal being cooked within 5 miles! He’s not looking at me with love, he’s demanding that I include him in the celebration of food, lots and and lots of human food! So after a few minutes of sharing my thankful, heartfelt thoughts to llamas who left and are eating in the field, a horse who fell asleep standing up, a goat who is circling me wondering when is this human going to stop yacking and start feeding, and a donkey who has been slowly backing me up into a corner…I loudly say to them all, “well happy turkey day anyway”!! Of course when I yelled that out, both turkeys looked up at me, turned to each with an expression of horror, then RAN to the nearest bush to hide! I give up. No more speeches to animals inside the barn.