Fun with mother
Yep, took mother shopping today. All went pretty good at Meijer’s…until we left. I made the mistake by following her out the door. She went to the only door in the whole dang store that doesn’t open! Yep, that’s right. She stood with her basket in front of the door that refused to open with me right behind her. And like lemmings, there were two more people behind me with carts chock full of groceries. Uh huh…4 people with carts lined up at a door that doesn’t open with mother in the lead! After about 30 seconds, she took her cane out of her wire basket, pointed it at the door and demanded that it open! It didn’t. I strained my neck to look past her as the people behind me groaned, tapping their feet, to see what the heck was wrong now. There was a big red and white sign that clearly stated that it didn’t work, ‘USE OTHER DOOR’! I said, “ummm mom, that door isn’t working!” She sharply turned around, narrowed her eyes and said through gritted teeth, “what do you mean it doesn’t work?? We came though the stupid thing!”
I pointed to the sign and informed her that it clearly states to ‘use other door!’ She looked at the sign, looked back at me and annoying asked me why didn’t I tell her that before we got stuck!
I rolled my eyes and told the folks behind us that we needed to use door number 3 because door number 1 is out of commission! It’s a good thing carts dont have back up sounds because the whole store would’ve heard 4 carts loudly beeping as we all tried to back up, turn around, go past each other and beat each other to door number one while mumbling about doors that don’t open!
Fun with mother
I took mother shopping today. Of course she has to go to Hobby Lobby. She loooooooves Hobby Lobby!! It’s like she’s five years old and she’s in a candy store! She goes up and down every aisle, twice, looking, picking up items, oooohing and aahhing, showing me all the things that would make her little home look cute. Well, after about 3 hours (so it seemed) of following her around listening to her comment on every single thing that caught her eye, I told her I needed to look for something, anything to have some peace and quiet, I zeroed in on some llama throw pillows (that are now on my couch) and left mother in the clock aisle because she needed a new clock (she bought one with a rooster on it). After enjoying my llama pillow shopping, I thought it would be best to find mother and leave the store before they turned out the lights and locked us in.
My mother search has now begun!
The natural thing for me to do, was to start where I left her, in the clock section, after all, there were 560 clocks, ticking in unison. She has to be there! Silly me, of course she wasn’t there. So I started my serious search for mother. Yep, Nancy went up and down aisles, around corners, past pink flamingo displays, and through the flower section. I finally saw mother walking past the other end of the aisle that I was standing at. I thought it best not to yell out, “Yo mama!” So I turned around to go in the same direction she was. I stood there waiting for her to walk past which should have taken approximately 3 seconds. She didn’t appear. I’m thinking to myself, ‘what the heck? I just saw her at the end of the aisle! There is no way she got past me!!’
So I quickly went down the aisle, turned to go in the same direction I saw her going in and what did I find? Nothing! That’s right! It took a little old lady who walks slower than a snail to slip past me in less than 5 seconds! Really Nancy?! I walked in the same direction I saw her going looking down the aisles in both directions again. No mother. I turned around to go in the opposite direction to find my now sneaky mother…nothing. Now I’m getting annoyed. Did the rapture happen and I missed it? Was there an alien invasion and she got snatched? Did she just ‘POOF’ and disappear? Did I really come with her? Am I in bed dreaming?
I was about to pull the fire alarm for help when she comes up behind me, hits me with her cart, on purpose, and happily exclaims that she found the perfect clock and asked me where the heck have I been? She’s ready to go to Meijer’s! She turns on her heel with her rooster clock in her cart and motions me to follow…quickly.
Hahaha! Never…ever…chase a llama! You will never catch them! The more you try to ‘catch’ them, the more they gallop in the opposite direction and freak out! When our llamas go for a joy run down the road to eat the neighbors forbidden plants, we do not run towards them. Once you act like your going to confine them or make them do something they do not want to do (which is just about everything), they will take off! We have learned, the hard way, that if you want your larger than yourself animal back into the barn, get the magic cup of sweet grain out! They will automatically see little hearts float in front of their big brown eyes, they start to drool, their mouths go into chew mode, their hooves scratch the ground, they narrow their eyes…and take off towards you. So…be prepared to either feed them, throw the grain at them, or run!
Okay, this was funny. I took a large container of scratch grain to spread on the pasture for the ducks and the barking turkey. Dunkay, Laci and Remi saw me out of the corner of their eye while digging up the last blade of grass in the far field. I quickly spread it in a couple of piles and threw hand fulls of nummies along the fence so our feathered critters could get a few beaks full of delicious grain with mixed in birdseed. I didn’t call them, they didn’t quack or bark and I thought (key word, thought) I was out of eyesight to the 3 biggest food stealers of the farm. Nope. Before the very first seed the ground, all 3 perked up, looked my way, figured out that I was throwing food and came stampeding towards me. A donkey, a woolly mammoth mini horse, and a pig that waddles! Of course Dunkay got there first switching on his food vacuum that actually hums like a sweeper. He had his muzzle sweeping from side to side when Laci finally got there. She too turned on her built in vacuum switch and was humming along side Dunkay, two ducks and a turkey. After about 30 seconds, Miss Waddles got there huffing and a puffing. That pig pushed two large animals and 3 birds away from the grain with her fat little butt making loud piggy grunts! That pig managed to bully the others away from all the scratch grain as she turned on her industrial strength vacuum to suck up, not eat…suck up all the grain, seeds, dirt, grass, stones and feathers that was on the ground. The horse, donkey, two mad ducks and a now growling turkey, stood in a semi circle watching her gobble up their breakfast, lunch, dinner and mid day snack in 8.3 seconds.
Last night when I went to check on the ding bats, Sugar Baby the goat was laying next to Sweetie our llama. Sugar looked like he was in heaven, Sweetie looked very, very, very annoyed.
Everybody is confused on this farm! A goat who thinks he’s a llama, a turkey who barks like a dog at the neighbors, a pig who THINKS she’s a queen, a donkey who believes he’s a king (with permission from Remi) a mini horse whose main desire in life is to be a statue, a rooster who crows at midnight instead of dawn, an alpaca who practices to be the best weather siren in La Porte county, and Chad who thinks he leads a normal life as he chases one big animal out of the pasture as two more sneak past him while the goat runs behind him thinking it’s a game, the pig angrily snorts for more food as he sprints past her while Dunkay runs away with his baseball cap that fell off because he’s chasing this one that way as that one gets away because the other one snuck back in!!
Yep, sounds normal to me!
Every single animal we own is out in the front pasture right now. Of course the pig is staring at the house, the goat is practically plastered against poor Sweetie as Violet snickers close by, Sammie and Lincoln are trying to eat the same patch of green which makes them look like a see-saw…one head goes up, the other goes down…up down up down up down! You’d think they get a headache doing that, our woolly mammoth is once again standing like a statue because she ate herself into another coma…you could have a tornado roar past her with the whole barn swirling inside it 5 feet away from her and she wouldnt budge. I’ve actually gone out there when she first started to do that thinking she died standing up and wave my hand in front of her eyes to see if she’d blink! And the barking turkey is running or shall I say, waddling, with the ducks…in a line. When I see them all together performing like that, it makes me feel like I’m living in a circus. Oh wait! I am! The only thing missing is the clown!
“Oh Chaddie Hon, my big strong hunk of a man…can you go out and chase a few of those critters back towards the house holding Chippie? I need a video, and wear your cute cowboy hat!”
Oh my gosh, I’m dying over here from laughter! Both dogs and the cat jumped up on the bed and went straight to Chad! He is shoving animals away from him with both hands and legs under the covers (one leg is pinned under the 85lb Pit) yelling at them to get the heck away from him! The louder he yells and pushes, the closer they snuggle up to him! There’s a war on the bed and I’m not losing! Chad…2 dogs…one cat…and me laughing until my tummy hurts! He finally stopped to glare at me as all three animal’s laid down on him. They love their daddy and just want to be close…really close…skin tight close! I’m turning out the light to sleep in peace, and Chad? Well, he’ll be pushing and grumbling under his breath as fur gets in face all night! Life is good here on the farm!!