Okay, this was funny. I took a large container of scratch grain to spread on the pasture for the ducks and the barking turkey. Dunkay, Laci and Remi saw me out of the corner of their eye while digging up the last blade of grass in the far field. I quickly spread it in a couple of piles and threw hand fulls of nummies along the fence so our feathered critters could get a few beaks full of delicious grain with mixed in birdseed. I didn’t call them, they didn’t quack or bark and I thought (key word, thought) I was out of eyesight to the 3 biggest food stealers of the farm. Nope. Before the very first seed the ground, all 3 perked up, looked my way, figured out that I was throwing food and came stampeding towards me. A donkey, a woolly mammoth mini horse, and a pig that waddles! Of course Dunkay got there first switching on his food vacuum that actually hums like a sweeper. He had his muzzle sweeping from side to side when Laci finally got there. She too turned on her built in vacuum switch and was humming along side Dunkay, two ducks and a turkey. After about 30 seconds, Miss Waddles got there huffing and a puffing. That pig pushed two large animals and 3 birds away from the grain with her fat little butt making loud piggy grunts! That pig managed to bully the others away from all the scratch grain as she turned on her industrial strength vacuum to suck up, not eat…suck up all the grain, seeds, dirt, grass, stones and feathers that was on the ground. The horse, donkey, two mad ducks and a now growling turkey, stood in a semi circle watching her gobble up their breakfast, lunch, dinner and mid day snack in 8.3 seconds.

Last night when I went to check on the ding bats, Sugar Baby the goat was laying next to Sweetie our llama. Sugar looked like he was in heaven, Sweetie looked very, very, very annoyed.

Everybody is confused on this farm! A goat who thinks he’s a llama, a turkey who barks like a dog at the neighbors, a pig who THINKS she’s a queen, a donkey who believes he’s a king (with permission from Remi) a mini horse whose main desire in life is to be a statue, a rooster who crows at midnight instead of dawn, an alpaca who practices to be the best weather siren in La Porte county, and Chad who thinks he leads a normal life as he chases one big animal out of the pasture as two more sneak past him while the goat runs behind him thinking it’s a game, the pig angrily snorts for more food as he sprints past her while Dunkay runs away with his baseball cap that fell off because he’s chasing this one that way as that one gets away because the other one snuck back in!!

Yep, sounds normal to me!

Every single animal we own is out in the front pasture right now. Of course the pig is staring at the house, the goat is practically plastered against poor Sweetie as Violet snickers close by, Sammie and Lincoln are trying to eat the same patch of green which makes them look like a see-saw…one head goes up, the other goes down…up down up down up down! You’d think they get a headache doing that, our woolly mammoth is once again standing like a statue because she ate herself into another coma…you could have a tornado roar past her with the whole barn swirling inside it 5 feet away from her and she wouldnt budge. I’ve actually gone out there when she first started to do that thinking she died standing up and wave my hand in front of her eyes to see if she’d blink! And the barking turkey is running or shall I say, waddling, with the ducks…in a line. When I see them all together performing like that, it makes me feel like I’m living in a circus. Oh wait! I am! The only thing missing is the clown!
“Oh Chaddie Hon, my big strong hunk of a man…can you go out and chase a few of those critters back towards the house holding Chippie? I need a video, and wear your cute cowboy hat!”

Oh my gosh, I’m dying over here from laughter! Both dogs and the cat jumped up on the bed and went straight to Chad! He is shoving animals away from him with both hands and legs under the covers (one leg is pinned under the 85lb Pit) yelling at them to get the heck away from him! The louder he yells and pushes, the closer they snuggle up to him! There’s a war on the bed and I’m not losing! Chad…2 dogs…one cat…and me laughing until my tummy hurts! He finally stopped to glare at me as all three animal’s laid down on him. They love their daddy and just want to be close…really close…skin tight close! I’m turning out the light to sleep in peace, and Chad? Well, he’ll be pushing and grumbling under his breath as fur gets in face all night! Life is good here on the farm!!
HAHAHA 😂😂😂

Fun with mother

Yep, I took mother to Walmart. It started out with following 3 young, nice looking firemen who pulled up in the truck, dressed in their gear. Mother was almost giddy commenting on how young and cute they were, she even made me blush by saying a bit too loud behind them how cute their little tush’s were. I slapped her arm and hushed her before one of them turned around to see who was following them. I finally dragged her away from the young men trying to pick out a freshly made Walmart pizza, and got her to the deli where she could examine every salad, chicken breast, lunch meat and her very favorite, the hot dogs wrapped in foil. After a full five minutes of humming, examining, poking, squeezing, complaining and showing me which salad or sandwich to grap and which one to never, ever put in my mouth, she settled for one broccoli salad and ordered two pounds which was waaaaay more than she expected! So out of the goodness of her mommy heart, she gave me the extra container of broccoli salad…or because she knew she could never eat two large containers before the expiration date. We turned the corner by the produce when something silver flashed in her eyes off the floor! A quarter! Oh the joy! Mother collects and saves quarters! She did a little side step around her cart and practically ran to that gleaming coin. She picked up her treasure showed it me and loudly exclaimed that she has another quarter for her collection! Before I could roll my eyes, she let out a loud gasp! Another silver coin! It was only a dime but by george, it’s money! She scooped up that dime so fast that I didn’t even see it! Then she joyfully let out another little squeal…a penny! Theres money all over the place! She got that other coin, then demanded that I help her look for more lost coins. I informed her that there are no more coins, she found them all. Well, mother didn’t want to hear that, after all she has rent to pay and needs the extra cash! She wanted me to look under the produce shelf in case some coins or maybe even a dollar rolled under it. I put my foot down and told her that there is no way on this green earth that I was going to crawl around on the dirty floor looking under shelves for a possible coin! She glared at me for a moment, marched over to my cart and took back the extra container of broccoli salad.

What a beautiful sunny day down on the farm! Nothing better than sitting high up on the hay loft watching Super Farmer throw 50lb hay bales off the loft so he can feed many large, think they are starving, feed me now because I haven’t eaten for almost 5 full minutes animals.

This is my kind of farm work!
Oh honey, YOUR goat got out again and is in the garage eating your papers! Better go get him! And by the way, YOUR donkey is in the llama pasture, he needs to be chased out! Oh look…YOUR ducks, are swimming in the horse’s water bin, gotta get them out before they poop in it and you have to dump it, then refill it! And where is YOUR pig at?? Find her before she eats the flock block again! And is YOUR woolly mammoth in a coma again? I told you not to feed her so much alfalfa…it makes her sick…better go rub her tummy! Whats that I hear? Gobble Gobble is barking at the neighbor kids again! You know how they hate being barked at by a turkey! Who the heck has a barking turkey anyway? Oh yeah…us! Better chase YOUR watch turkey away from the fence before she barks herself into a frenzy! Oh no! Lincoln is screaming at the nice neighbor man walking past with his two fluff balls in the matching purple sweaters…you need to apologize for YOUR alpacas bad behavior! One more thing, the dogs are barking at the family’s strolling past, you better round up YOUR snarling hounds before the neighbors stop talking to us!!!
Yep, it’s a great farm chore day!!

I feel sorry for Sweetie because she is kind of a loner. She likes to hang with only one other animal, Violet, our other girl llama. For some strange reason, the goat Sugar Baby and the not-so-mini pig Remi Doodles, just looooooove to hang around and follow her. The pig spent the first 3 months living on our farm glistening with green llama spit. Remi followed, sat with, and tried to munch along side super annoyed Sweetie. The llama couldn’t stand the pig and galloped away every time Remi waddled towards her. Of course, it never worked because the pig ran as fast as those stubby little legs would go behind her trying to keep with her one sided new BFF! (I have video of them going around and around the hay trough outside in the middle of the pasture) Sweetie is seen trying to stay far away from her fat little annoyance while grabbing a mouthful of hay, as Remi followed within inches. Poor Sweetie, she just couldn’t get that pig to bond with someone else. So the pig wore her coat of llama spit with love and Sweetie got a lot of exercise last summer.
Now, she has Sugar Baby the goat who adopted her as mama. Sweetie cares for goats as much as she does pigs…not at all! But, Sugar Baby loooooooves his new mama and yes, that’s right, follows her around like a preteen boy with his very first crush. If you drive past the farm, you will notice that the goat has joined the rough and tough, fierce, big & bad, known throughout Indiana as the “Llama Drama” gang. Sugar Baby has bonded (one sided) with the leader of the pack…Sweetie! Because the goat is more tolerable than the pig, our llama leader puts up with him. He is allowed to stand next to her, snack alongside her and even lay close to his llama mama.
Sweetie and her pig and her goat. They love, adore, and admire their favorite llama…as do the other llamas because she keeps brat #1 & #2 away from them!

Fun with mother

I should know by now that every time I go to the store with mother, it’s going to be an adventure that I really don’t care for.

I took her to Krogers so she could stock up on Coke products that are on sale. Nothing makes mom happier than yellow sale signs stuck above the cases of Cherry-Vannila-Zero-Diet and regular Coke! It’s like she turns into a 5 year old who just spotted a jar of Tootsie Pops! She did a little dance with her cane, pointing to the cases she wants ME to pick up…off the bottom shelf of course, and safely put them in her basket before another Coke fanatic comes down the isle and spots those neon yellow sale signs! I got her 3 cases and waited for her to pick out the 4th one. After what seemed like 20 minutes of staring at red and gold boxes, she exclaimed that her beloved Cherry DIET Coke was nowhere to be seen! Oh no! She spotted a case of something on the bottom shelf waaaaaaaaay in the back hiding. And guess who had to get on her knees and crawl into the shelf to grab a case of coke! Yep…ME! I wiggled in there, grabbed that box, and pulled it out. I handed it to mother who quickly frowned, informing me that I grabbed the wrong one! She wants Cherry DIET Coke…not regular Cherry Coke. She swatted me with her cane and demanded that I crawl back under there and get her that DIET Cherry! I said, “mom, that’s all that’s under there! There is NO diet cherry coke, they’re out! Plus I am NOT crawling in there again!!” She blinked at me a couple of times with a deadpan face, then cheerfully said, “oh that’s okay honey, I don’t care for it that much anyway, just get me another Vanilla, that’s my favorite!”
Sheesh!

I’m sitting in the furthest room of the house away from the animals who are on a mission to destroy everything thing that was once green in the pasture. And what do I hear? Dunkay! I swear he has a secret bullhorn to HEEEEE HAAAAW into! He is so loud that he could stop a train! We live across from Crestview subdivision and I bet that every person who lives there has heard him at some point since we’ve moved here! It wouldn’t surprise me that on the first Saturday of every month at 11am when the city test the tornado sirens, that folks come outside, cock their heads and ask all the other neighbors standing outside their homes, “Is that the siren, or is it the annoying donkey who lives at that wacky farm again?”

Everybody has heard Dunkay hee haw for his breakfast, lunch, dinner, and 500 snacks everyday. They’ve also heard Lincoln the alpaca scream out his warning cry towards every dog, rabbit hoping past, bird flying overhead, jogger, families going for a stroll down a picturesque quiet (hahahahaha)country road, bicyclist, folks getting their mail and the UPS driver delivering packages…the rooster who practices his manly crow from 9pm to 7am the next morning…and of course the womans non stop voice commands of, “STOP IT! BE QUIET! LEAVE HIM ALONE! BE NICE! DROP THAT CHICKEN RIGHT NOW! NO MORE GRAIN! GET OVER HERE! THATS NOT YOUR HAY! SERIOUSLY? GET BACK ON YOUR OWN SIDE! DON’T MAKE ME WALK OUT THERE! WHAT DID YOU THREE DO WITH SAMMIE AGAIN? DON’T YOU LLAMAS ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME!! STOP TEASING THE PIG! I’M TELLING SUPER FARMER ON YOU!!”

Yep, the sounds of our farm.

Well, Chad went out to the barn, and fought with that frozen shut door for about 20 minutes. He pushed, shoved, yelled at, hit it multiple times, shoveled away snow, poured hot water on it, shook his fist threatening to do it bodily harm. In desperation he prayed. The stubborn metal door creaked open just enough to let out a large animal, one at a time.
Super Farmer jumped back covering his head with his arms to let the frothing at the mouths, stampeding animals rush past him! After 20 seconds of waiting for fur to blast through the small opening, he decided to go inside the barn to check if their hooves were frozen to the ground or heads stuck inside a hay bale. Nope, they were standing there all in a row, lined up for battle. They glared at him with their famous ‘I ain’t going nowhere’ look. Chad politely told them that the weather was warm and sunny…it would do them some good to get out and stretch, breathing in that fresh country air! They backed up in unison and lowered their heads in a ‘make me’ stance. Now poor Chad is getting frustrated! He just spent 20 minutes digging them out so THEY could enjoy the heat wave of 10 above 0! Those animals were NOT going out that door no matter what he did or said. Chad gave up. However, the pig followed him outside oinking hoping to get an extra treat.