Oh my gosh! This is so funny. I asked Chad to purdy please with Chippie on top to check the dingbats before he left for work this morning. My body was telling me that it was going to be a jammie day and I always listen to it when it wants to rest, sleep, lounge, be lazy, relax, sit back, kick its feet up, nap, and desire other fun things that require no effort on it’s part!
Well, Chaddie wasn’t too thrilled about going to the barn in his suit and tie wearing his dress shoes that he just spit shined, but in order for him to get his dinner after a long day at work, he knows that he must perform his barn duty so my body can rest up for 8 hours before I make him his grilled cheese.
So, after mentally preparing himself for every possible scenario known to a llama, pig, horse, donkey, turkey, chicken, duck and unknown critters staring from behind hay bales with beady red eyes, my loving hubby went to the barn to feed, lecture, push apart, scold, and do the famous farmer dance around large animals with the grain cup as they circle like sharks!
He got to the barn, put his phone in the front pocket of his soon to be filled with feathers and llama fur jacket and, oops, the phone proceeded to call me. At first I didn’t want to answer because I thought I would hear him screaming along with sounds of animals attacking the McDonald’s cup holding sweet grain with his fingers tightly gripping it (it always turns into a power struggle- man vs beast). But I answered, I quietly said, “Hello?” No answer. All I could hear were muffled sounds, scratching, heavy breathing, a grunt, the duck quacking, a grumbled word or two, and some bangs.
At first I wanted to run out there in my red puppy dog robe and fluffy gray slippers to save my hubby…or film whatever was going on inside there. But my body reminded me that it’s having a no effort jammie day. So, I put the phone on speaker to listen.
At first, it was boring, just a few grunts from the pig who demands to be fed first, a gobble from BOB, a snort…you know, barn sounds. Then it got deathly quiet. I know what that means…I live it everyday! I can picture it through the blank screen of my phone.
Chad has his back to the wall (he should know by now to never, ever, let them get you up against the wall!!) holding the white cup with the golden arches filled to the top with the sweet grain that they all want, high above his head to protect the treasure from 3 llamas, one alpaca, a donkey, a woolly mammoth, a potbelly pig, two turkeys, a duck and the critter that doesn’t belong in the barn with the spooky red eyes, slinking up from behind the herd!
Then bam! They all lunge towards Chad! Now I’m giggling because I can clearly see it in my mind! The llamas go in from the right, Dunkay comes in from the left, Remi barrels through the middle, Laci the wooly mammoth that spends 90% of her life in the twilight zone from eating too much, can’t move because she’s…well in a coma! I hear Chad yelling at them to back away or the birds get the grain…they’ve heard this threat before and keep coming at him. Chad has no choice but to push his way through dirty fur while ducking spit and avoiding horse poop from getting on his dress shoes! Now I’m laughing out loud. I know that he just threw the grain at them which gave him an escape path to the barn door. Only this time, I hear chad yell at the critter with the red eyes to get away from him.
Yep, I sprinted to the window to watch him run to the gate being followed by Remi the pig who was loudly letting him know that her breakfast wasn’t enough to get her through to lunch! My hubby stomped through the slushy snow and ice to his car to find it locked. He angrily looked towards the house to see me waving at him holding up his car keys he forgot to grab on his way out to the barn for his morning battle with creatures big and small…who love him…as long as he has that cup of grain!