All posts by Addie Funny Farm

About Addie Funny Farm

Addie Acres is located in the middle of corn fields with woods outlining the edges. There is a big metal barn that is home to 4 Llamas', 1 Alpaca, 2 mini horses that are so fat it's hard to call them 'mini', 1 donkey that thinks he's a dog, 2 ding bat goat's that never, ever shut up, too many hens, 4 roosters that have their days and nights mixed up, 5 barn kitties that watch the mice instead of chasing them and 4 spotted bunnies that have escaped their pens and are now helping the rabbit population go from basic brown to black and white mixed with butterscotch. My animals rule, control and play tricks on the humans that live a few feet away! Addie Acres has become the 'Funny Farm'! I've been jotting down our experience with the animals for awhile now and have decided to put all my stories in one place. Who knows, maybe someone else can find humor as they shake their head in agreement. Only us FARMERS really knows what goes on inside the "Barn"! Enjoy my journey as I try to control the animals that rule me!

New kitten, new troubles

I forgot what it was like to have a tiny kitty cat in the house. Now I remember why I erased all kitten memories!

My life with Bitty Boy.

I get up way too early, cautiously go down the stairs trying not to trip over my excited, ‘gotta go potty NOW’ dogs, and avoid looking out the windows because after all these years, it still freaks me out to see a llama, donkey, or a goat staring at me as I grudgingly fight to get out of my half dreaming sleep walk. I let the ‘scared of kittens’ Pitbull, and growling chihuahua out the back door as Bitty Boy screams out his meow from the bathroom to be let out NOW! I open the powder room door, quickly step to the side so he can shoot out like a bullet. Most days, he slides into Misty Blue who still refuses to accept him. She has been camping in front of the bathroom door doing her ‘I ain’t happy he’s here…he needs to leave NOW’ warnings. As soon as the scary sounds of cats screeching stop, Bitty Boy looks for Biscuit the 95 lb Pit that he can control with a glance, the slight movement of a paw, or a swish of the tail! After the Pit jumps up on the couch like a little old lady who just spotted a mouse to get away from 6 ounces of whispy whiskers, Bitty Boy will proudly walk away knowing that he rules and the dogs drool in fright! He is now looking for dust bunnies, scraps of paper, pen lids, Misty Blues old cat toys…anything he can bat around and pounce upon like the mighty lion that he is in his heart. He then switches gears and concours all the mountains like my lazyboy chair, couches, curtains, tables…anything he can sink his tiny claws into and climb up as I run to him yelling the one word that every cat in the world ignores…”NO”!!
He looks at me with his famous ‘I rule, humans drool’ look and scampers under anything that is less than 2″ tall so I can’t reach him. After I scold him while kneeling on the floor staring at glowing eyes under the couch (as Biscuit trembles in fear behind me), he will sneak out from behind, then wait for me to sit. As soon as I get settled in my chair to do devotions and go through my pics from the day before, Bitty Boy is planning his next move of attack. He starts with chasing poor Biscuit off the lounge chair who was peacefully sleeping next to me, then goes for the pages of my book, the cord on the computer, pawing at the images on the screen, then it’s my hair…fingers…robe tie…loose strings…minion eyes on my slippers…dust floating down…a fly buzzing past…imaginary monsters!! He jumps, circles around, meows, claws, climbs, purrs, attacks! He falls asleep on a dime, wakes up with a start, and he’s off and running again. It’s like having a toddler again! He’s into everything, ignores all commands, gives the phrase ‘terrible twos’ a new meaning, then in 1.3 seconds, he’s acting all sweet and innocent again, looking up at me with those adorable kitten eyes! I pick up my now purring baby, kiss his soft furry head, forgetting that my book now has permenant cat teeth imprints or holes, my robe is unraveling in 50 different new spots, the dog is shaking in fear under the covers, my slipper is missing an eye, my computer cord needs to be replaced, and my chair now looks like a shaggy dog that needs a new home.

And that’s just in one hour!! I still have all day with this ball of non stop fur!

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Not the smartest bird on the farm!

One of our roosters isnt very bright. He is definitely a ‘bird brain’. This particular chicken likes to hang with our newest hens. He tries to rule them but they wont let him, so he kinda hangs back, pushes his chest out, ruffles his feathers and squeaks out a cock-a-doodle-doooo trying to impress. Usually the three hens will look up and give him the ‘dont even think about it’ glare! Well, the other day, chad went outside to let the girls back in their special area. Most times the rooster follows them in hoping for some love and affection. Chad opened the gate, the girls strutted in and the mighty rooster went back and forth in front of the opening, confused about how to get in! He was all upset, running from one end to the other…in front of the wide open gate of course! The girls stood there along with Chad watching this ‘not the brightest bulb in the box’ running in front of the gate trying to get in! The hens looked at each other, Super Farmer looked at them, they up at him, and shook their heads in disbelief as the flustered rooster ran back and forth, back and forth with a path wide open to the other chickens in front of him! After a few minutes of mr ding bat running around dazed and confused, the girls got bored and went back to pecking bugs. Chad shut the gate and went back inside the house, and the rooster…he spent the next hour trying to figure out how to impress the girls on the other side of the fence because he couldn’t get in, which of course didn’t work!

Pitbull scared of tiny kitten!

Our kitten who weighs a whopping 6 ounces with the high pitched squeak of a meow, terrifies our Pit! You know, the dog that swore to protect me and the farm when not home. Biscuit chases coyotes off the farm, barks at bumps, screams, yells, bangs and other unnatural sounds in the dead of night! He plants himself between me and people he doesn’t know and gives that pitbull stare. But…when it comes to a hand full of whiskers, he’s off and running! My big bad Pit, cautiously looks around corners in case that kitten is hiding, plotting to attack his paws that are 30 times bigger than its head! Biscuit could be in a deep sleep but as soon as that kitten squeaks, he is off the floor and on my lap! Whenever the kitten yawns out a mighty roar, Biscuit starts to shake in fear, his fur standing on end, eyes darting to and fro searching for the sound! I’m like…’really Biscuit, your scared of a teeny tiny ball of whiskers that could easily fit inside a small duck egg?’ The mighty bottle fed kitten rules the house with an iron paw and a meow that makes scratching the chalkboard sound like music from heaven! Even Misty Blue wont go near him! She too will crouch behind furniture, people, chippie, and do her low kitty cat growl. She watches the kitten with disdain, distrust, as an intrusion! And chippie? He just growls…really…growls? Nooooo, say it ain’t so!

I cant wait to see how they act when he gets bigger and learns how to pounce on heads, swipe at tails, jump onto backs, chase around the house and purr happily in their beds as they stand there in fear, trying to figure out if it’s worth waking him up to get their bed back!

Oh the fun we’re going to have!

Kyle babysits again!

Its amazing how those animals know its sale day and that Kyle will be babysitting them. For some reason, they live to torment him. Maybe it’s because they know if they bully him, he will become their servant and give them everything they want whether they demanded it or not!
While waiting for my son to come over, I noticed that they were all lined up by the fence, waiting, plotting, scheming, making a plan!

Kyle pulled up and they all ran to the gate to make sure he saw them! He saw them alright. The kid tried to go around the bushes so he didn’t make eye contact and hopefully they didn’t see him. They saw him. Those llamas and Dunkay ran to the middle of the field and were huddled like a football team, planning out their schemes. Every few seconds, one would pop his head up and look to see where Kyle was.
My son came through the back door (trying to stay out of their site) and loudly complained that ‘those things’ saw him and were already planning something terrible to do to him! He sat down, put his forehead on the kitchen table, and asked why don’t they like him! He does everything they want, going out of his way to be super duper nice. I sympathetically patted him on the back and with my fingers crossed, I reassured him that they really do like him that’s why they demand his attention, they want to spend quality time with him! He looked up at me, narrowed his eyes and in an almost growl said, “you know that’s NOT true! They just want to torment me! Last time they cornered me in the barn, refusing to let me pass until all the grain was gone! Then they got mad because they all had a stomach ache from eating themselves sick!!”

I wanted to lie to him by saying today will be different, that Chad lectured them this morning along with threats of no sweet grain for the next 15 years, and they promised to be extra, extra, extra sweet today!

Is it for real??

You know, if I didn’t live here and experience this stuff first hand, I wouldn’t believe it.

Chad and I were in the back yard trying to get some pre winter things done (noooooo not the ‘W’ word!!), I was next to the Jeep picking up branches when I heard Remi the potbelly pig squeal. I turned around and asked Chad what the heck was going on over there!? He said that Remi and Violet saw the same pile of grain and galloped to it. They were both trying to gobble it up, but Remi didn’t want to share! Violet is a 200lb llama and by george, she wasn’t budging! So they squared off with a tiny mound of sweet grain between them. Remi went in for the kill, Violet said no way! They butted heads which made Remi mad, so she yelled at the llama who then spit at her in the face!
By the time I got over there for a good look, Remi backed off and was wiping her nose off in the grass. I’m not kidding, as all of this was going on, the baby goat was jumping all over the yard like he’s nuts, and the turkey was chasing him!

Its like a circus over here!!

Turkeys like stink bugs!

Its official! All birds hate stink bugs and refuse to eat them, EXCEPT FOR ONE!! I was sweeping off my back porch of empty seed shells and various animal fur clumps, when I saw one of ‘those things’ crawling towards my open door. I raced it to the opening, took my broom and swept it towards one of the hens that was chasing the dust bunnies (she must of been bored)…she saw what she thought to be a plump tasty bug coming her way and jumped up to get it. She got it alright, a beak full of yuck! She spit it out, shook her head a few times and ran to the bucket of water to wash that nasty taste out of her mouth. I was disappointed. I thought the chickens would eat them, helping me to keep them out of my house. But noooooooo…even the birds won’t touch them. But then, the turkey came up, saw a stink bug and ‘gobbled’ it up! I wasn’t sure if she really enjoyed the icky critter or if she ate it so fast that she didn’t taste it. So…I found another one, swept it towards her and she ate it! Hurray! I took my broom and swept every stink bug I could see towards the turkey who happily ended their little lives! Yep, if you drove by the farm this morning, you would’ve seen me sweeping the grass, rocks, mulch, bushes, sidewalks, porch furniture, concrete duck, Jeep, trailer, trash can, the dogs, fence post, etc…with a fat white turkey following me! She was chowing down every stink bug that I could see, flipping it towards her open beak! She got a non tasty treat and I got rid of a few bugs!

Fun with mother

 

Going on a little trip to the store with mom is always an adventure. Sometimes its exciting, sometimes its frustrating, and there are times when its downright unbelievable! Today was all three.
Mother had to take her comcast box to Valpo to exchange it for a new one that actually worked and wasn’t as old as her vintage 500lb box TV that takes 5 minutes to warm up. The drive there was smooth and we had a nice, normal old person conversation…you know, the kind where you talk about bowl movements, how many pills one takes, how joint pain is now in both elbows, one hip, and in 8 fingers…but all toes are still good! We even discussed that one really can have wrinkles behind the knees!

Anyhoo…we finally got to where the Comcast office was supposed to be, so we turned into the strip mall. Mother insisted that it was next to Menards. Nope. She then insisted that it was next to Home Depot. Nope. She then had a lightbulb moment and insisted that it was next to Target. Nope again. She said it was right there, insisting that she saw it from the road…how could it just disappear!? I said I didn’t know, but I’m sure its somewhere in this parking lot! So…we circled the big box stores 3 times (including the alleys) while mothers fingernail pounded on the glass telling me to “turn here, no there, go back, are you listening to me?? Now turn around, over there, why are you stopping? You had the right away! Who keeps honking at us? Slow down, I think I see it, no that was Menards again. Did we check Target, oh yeah we did so never mind, just keep going straight. Should we drive around the back of all the stores again in case we missed it? I know I saw it! It was right here! Why did you turn that way? Does that music have to be so loud? Where are we?”

Yep, we got lost in the parking lot! Who does that?
I decided to go back on the highway, and try it again. On the way out, I saw huge red letters that spelled ‘XFINITY ‘ out of the corner of my eye, next to the road, NOT by a store! I had to go a mile before we could turn around and go back. It only took us 32 minutes of driving in circles around the darn place before we actually saw it.

Mother got her new box and I got to see parts of the parking lot that I didn’t know existed, and really don’t care to see again. I was so glad to get home!