Fun with Mother…

Yup, 5 hours of M.M. (Mother Marathon) yesterday!

Mother hadn’t been out of the house for a month and needed to get away from the old man, her new 9 year old kitty, that follows her around like he’s love sick with catnip!

So I picked up Mother which is a job in itself!
It took her 10 minutes to get out of the chair…5 minutes to walk across the room…20 minutes to begin saying goodbye to the cat. Then, she took a deep breath and, no kidding, continued lecturing him about what he can and can not do while she’s gone as he ignored her (he must know Dunkay!).

Ok, ready to go we…continued to “get ready further”. Now it took at least an hour just to check lights, doors, cupboards (so the cat doesn’t get in them), and decide which coat to wear.

Ready now? Nope, must…sort…coupons…
hundreds of coupons! Must have those coupons! I watched the movie Titanic completely (well, I could have) waiting for her to get through her routine. At least entertaining the cat who decided I was his new giant play toy provided a distraction.

Mother finally announced that she was ready and demanded to know what was taking me so long! I rolled my eyes, kept my mouth shut, pushed the cat away from my legs as I tried to walk, and spent another 15 minutes getting mother into the Jeep.

Of course, Mother didn’t want to shop in LaPorte today….it had to be Michigan City…she looooooves Al’s over there…after all, it’s the only place in LaPorte County that makes ‘bread pudding’! So, we went to the Michigan City Al’s where it took me 30 minutes to get her out of the Jeep, walked her gingerly through the snow, and onto a scooter. And, she’s off! The Al’s scooter is 90% faster than the ones at Walmart!

That old woman took off like a bat of the ‘dark place’ and shouted YIPPEE as I ran after her with my cart! She acted like a teenage boy learning how to drive a race car. She went around corners on two wheels, left skid marks and made those granny wheels smoke and worst off, she made folks jump out of her way as she shouted “so sorry hahahahahaha!” or “watch where you’re going people”. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing! I kept telling people she wasn’t with me because half the store was glaring at me for bringing her in!

Alas, they were out of her bread pudding, but did have the balloons she was looking for for Kyle’s birthday. I kept my distance as I followed mother in her scooter, complete with huge balloons tied to it. Hopefully, she got some of those winter time cobwebs out of her brain by racing around the store grabbing ice cream bars and some toys for the old man…the cat!

It was a looooooong shopping day with Mother….loooong. When I dropped Mother off, she settled into her La-Z-Boy with a purring cat on her lap, and I could hear her voice trailing off about “next week we…need…to make…a LaPorte shopping run!”

Pray for me. 🙏🙃❤

addieacres #funwithmother

I read a post today about another farm and how they think someone or ‘something’ is talking to their animals late at night. Whatever it is, their cow and a few goats are ‘talking’ back to it. She thought it might be aliens!

So, of course, it got my over active imagination going! What if ‘something’ was talking to our dingbats in the early morning hours, before the Twilight Zone light crawled over the tops of the trees?

This is what I think would happen!

The llamas wake up to the rooster doing his annoying COCK A DOODLE DOOOOOOOOO as he senses that morning is about to explode. The racket wakes up Chad’s pig which is the signal for the herd to run to the far pasture to beat that pig from getting the tiny green blades sticking up through the snow!

Of course, Dunkay follows them in case they uncover a mound of clover that has somehow survived not only the icy snow, but every set of teeth that lives on the farm! So now there are 3 llamas, 1 alpaca, a tank-like mini-horse, and donkey shoving and scrounging for food even though the barrels inside the barn are overflowing with luscious green hay mixed with alfalfa!

Each animal has their lips stuck to the ice on the ground, lost in thought about how they can knock the others away from their teeny tiny patch of almost grass that’s now encased in ice.

Suddenly, a strange humming noise makes every furry head come up at the same time, mouths full of twigs, brown grass and lots of snow! They cock their heads in unison to listen. The weird humming stops. They hear a scratchy like voice which makes their ears pop up, again, at the exact same time. Three llamas, an alpaca, mini-tank, and a donkey stand like statues, eyes squinted towards the the rising sun trying to pick up any sound that may indicate food!

They listen…they wait!

In the glare of the sun, comes a dark, shadowy figure strolling towards them, his head looks like a bush of many twisted arms that wave at them! The other-worldly figure leans towards them, his long bony arms reaching out to grab the nearest dingbat which is Lincoln who screams at it (he screams at everything!).

The other llamas take off for the barn in fear, an icy white cloud which turns into a snow devil follows them sweeping up a hen or two!
And Dunkay? Well he pushes Lincoln out of the way to get a better look and does his famous little donkey dance as he Hee-Haws out “BEAM ME UP SCOTTY!!”

Dunkay then closes his eyes, smiles and dreams about all the hay they must have up there on Mars and soon it’ll all be his…his…his!!!
The dingbat donkey waits, and waits…no beaming up. He opens his eyes to find it was just a big old tree leaning towards them, it’s many hands waving from the wind, the voice was the branches rubbing together! And the humming noise? Well it turned out to be Chad’s pig Remi. since she was nearby humming in joy at the pile of grain she found that her daddy must have dropped earlier trying to get a llama to follow him!!

Maybe the aliens are already among us and look just a bit like farm critters and dingbats…which means they already live with us! No wonder strange and unusual things happen around here every hour of every day!

addieacres

This was so funny!

I was feeding way too many chickens by the gate that Remi stares through demanding food. I threw a nice pile of scratch grain for them to fight over. Then, I noticed a small mound nearby covered in ice and shook my head as these bird brains squawked, flapped, and shoved each other nearby.

Out of nowhere, I noticed a rooster running full speed towards the flock of misfits! I thought to myself, ‘Oh this should be good, there’s no way he’s gonna be able to stop once he hits that ice!’ I was right!

That feathered dingbat hit that patch of ice and slid with wings flapping and feet in front going up and down trying to stop! He skidded all the way down the slick patch and hit those other chickens like a bowling ball. He got a full strike and knocked all 10 birds down! A perfect game!!

Yes, yes, I know I need a body cam! 🐓 ❄️ 🐖 🤠

I was watching the snow devils race across the fields behind the barn, admiring the snow swirling in a tornado like fashion.

I squinted to see what was in the path of the snow devil when it hit me that the dingbats were outside the barn doors scavenging for anything green hiding under the blanket of white. I thought to myself, oh this should be good, a mini tornado and llamas!

So I grabbed my coat, ran outside to watch the snow show! The first icy swirl dissipated before it reached the tiny herd of 4…so no excitement. Violet glanced at it with indifference.

The second fierce tornado of ice crystals formed into a larger cloud that had an impressive form to it. It whirled toward the dingbats that were now watching the cloud race towards them faster than a speeding pot-bellied pig! Sweetie instantly ran back to the barn, Violet sat down and bowed her furry brown head towards the screaming tornado, and Sammy looked around trying to find the shortest path to safety.

Oh, and what about Lincoln? Well, he stood his ground, braced himself for the white monster about to swallow him up and screamed at it! Yep, the alpaca screamed with a loud rattle at that white tornado until it came right up to his open mouth! Then it just magically disappeared…I think the dingbat swallowed it!

I’m almost positive that Santa will be skipping the farm this year! The naughties have been just that….naughty!!! I went into the barn today to find that the natives broke through the main gate…again….eating all my treats that I put in there last night, on the table, up high. I had 4 boxes of stale crackers, cookies and some bread. They not only ate every last crumb, but most of the boxes were gone…eaten. What was left were tiny pieces of shredded cardboard and wax paper. They also knocked over the kitties water and ate the fresh hay that was to be their breakfast, lunch and dinner for the day. Not anymore, they ate almost the whole bale before breakfast!
I tried to explain to them that Santa knows everything! He knows if they’ve been bad or good, so be GOOD for goodness sake! They nodded their heads in agreement as if to say , “sorry”, then within 3.8 seconds, the donkey was pushing the goats out of the way, Laci the mini tank shoved the alpaca into the wall and Sammie spit at everyone! Coal….that’s what I’m writing to Santa about this week….coal!!!

I had an argument today with the self checkout machine in Krogers…again.

I actually had some cash on me and decided to pay for my 3 items with it. Apparently, the machine I picked hasn’t had real money fed to it in a loooooong time, because as soon as I fed my 5 dollar bill to it, the stupid machine spit it right back out at me!

Well, you know me, I refused to let a hunk of nutts and bolts tell ME what it’s going to do! I caught my money in mid air, squinted my eyes at the machine that was humming the Twilight Zone tune, and told it through gritted teeth that it was going to take my money or else!

So, I again put my five into the little slot with the blinking red light next to it and gosh darn it if that dang machine didn’t spit it out at me again! This time it was so forceful that it flew past my face and into the basket!

Now, I’m really mad!

The nice Krogers lady that watches me like a hawk when I’m there because I’m usually threatening their machines by telling them that I will come back someday with a hammer or blow torch so watch it… asked me if I needed help.
My pride spoke up before my brain and politely told her, no thanks, the machine and I are getting along today.

She suspiciously looked me and took two steps back to give me space while keeping an eye on me! I looked at the red blinking light as the Twilight Zone music got louder, showed Mr Machine my clenched fist, loudly told him that it WILL take my money! It WILL accept it! And it WILL give back the correct change!

I pushed that bill in and, by George, the hunk of junk took it! It told me (in a mocking voice) to TAKE my change, DON’T forget my receipt, and remove ALL bags!

Even though I didn’t mean it, I said ‘thank you’.
I swear deep down inside it stuck it’s tongue out, and in Mr Sterlings voice it went ‘na na na na na nah’!

addieacres

I’ve been selling stuff on the garage sale sites because I need a new jeep tire. With current inflation, I am trying to get it done before it costs north of $500. So today, someone came to the front door to pick up a treasure.

I opened the door and a nice lady was standing there with a nervous smile on her face. Why? Because C.S. (named Chicken Soup), our rooster who is trying to convince me that he’s human and should live in the house and eat at the table with us, was standing right next to her looking up at me.

Yep, a person I don’t know and C.S. standing side by side at the door. I gave her the item she can’t live without, she stepped around the rooster who was now looking at her bag (because I feed him popcorn out of the same kind of plastic Walmart bag). C.S. tried to peck at it as she walked faster down the walk due to the much too friendly chicken following and squaking at her to stop. She made it safely out the gate and the dingbat bird ran back to the door to try to get in before I closed it! He almost made it to!

Such adventure at Addie Acres funny farm!

I’ve had Dish workers be surrounded by turkeys, ducks, chickens, 2 goats and one llama to watch installation of a satellite dish…Prime delivery folks that are forced to walk past llamas who are standing on the porch, or waltz with circling goats…mailmen who hold packages above their heads so the goats can’t eat them…Facebook buyers who stand at the end of the sidewalk asking if it’s safe to come up to the door because Sweetie our llama is staring them down as she guards the front door…everyone being startled as a donkey HEE HAWS so loud that it sounds like a sonic boom, or the alpaca screaming at the stranger he doesn’t recognize.

Yet, my favorite would be folks who know us and ask before they walk in if Chippie is around, because they’re concerned that our 7lb shaking bundle of nerves chihuahua might attack them with those sharp teeny tiny teeth! (helpful hint: he only usually ‘smiles’ for the camera and is quite friendly in person…shhh!)

Yep, it’s fun and always an adventure to come to the farm to drop off, pick up, or try to visit! You never know whats going to greet, chase, stare down, or yell at you!

And then, there’s Super Farmer…

Yep, our animals play dead so good in the front pasture. where everyone can see them, that a young man stopped when I was out there feeding the dingbats, called me over to the fence and pointed to Laci who he said has been laying there motionless for at least an hour!

At first I couldn’t see her from where we were standing and he kept saying things like, ‘dead llama…not moving…could be sick!’ I was looking for one of the llamas, because that’s what he was saying…dead llama. I saw Laci out there napping after a full morning of coma eating.

I started to yell out my LLAMA LLAMA LLAMA LLAMA. No immediate response, well, unless you count an opportunistic pig. He then pointed to the brown lump and said, right there, “dead”?

I saw my mini tank laying there and, I gotta admit, I was concerned, she wasn’t moving or twitching her tail! So I loudly said, “Yo, Laci!” She perked up and looked at us. He was relieved and I felt like I had to explain to him that for the last 12 years the horse naps after eating for hours.

Yup, she has freaked me out more times than I can count which has made me force Chad to go out there to check on her, over and over and over again! I babbled on and on for about 5 minutes causing the young man to slowly back step to his car. I don’t understand why he could be so concerned one moment then rush to get away from me like I’m a crazy lady who talks about animals playing dead just to spite her.

(By the way, they do!!!)

My winter barn fun has begun already and it hasn’t even snowed yet! It is COLD, windy, wet, grey, rainy and downright miserable out there. All creatures big and small on four legs are now huddled in the barn. Now mind you, its a big, spacious barn with a cozy spot for everybody. Do they spread out and lay down in their own corner of soft straw? NO! They huddle in one tiny spot which makes them angry at each other cause there isn’t enough room to be happy!
I walked in and there they were…3 llamas, 1 alpaca, one horse, one donkey, two goats and 5 escaped chickens. In a small area about 10 x 15 as two more bigger spaces that are just as warm and cozy are empty, well one had a lounging cat and a pecking hen. The girl llamas Sweetie & Violet, were spitting at the boys. Dunkay was pushing the goats with his butt, Laci was guarding enough space for 3 animals, refusing to let anyone else come near it (of course it was by the food) and the hens were clucking at everything that moved, to stay away from a newly built nest tucked under the hay that the natives were trying to eat when not fighting. I walked in and yelled at everyone to “STOP IT, BEHAVE YOURSELVES”! I don’t know why I do that…never works for more than 3.2 seconds. They look at me, glance at each other, snicker and go right back to what they do best, which is…fighting, spitting, shoving, bickering, guarding and being naughty! Yep, its gonna be a loooong winter!

Fun with Mother

It was Mother Marathon day and boy was I busy with mother!

She had a test at the hospital that not only took 200 hours, but after I got her in the Jeep, the wheel chair that we were using to make her life easier (and my muscles stronger) decided to take off on its own because somebody didn’t have the brake on.

Yep, Nancy chased an empty wheelchair down the parking lot demanding it to stop as it weaved itself through rows of cars just to irritate me! Do you know how embarrassing it is to run past people chasing a wheelchair shaking my fist at it?

Anyhoo…after my chair race, I took mother to Walmart where she found her favorite pre-made turkey sandwiches and grabbed every single one (21…22…23…). I pointed my finger at mother, ordering her to put some back, no hogging the food!

She stood there glaring at me with her arms holding more sandwiches than she can eat in a month and half, growled at me that if I touched HER sandwiches, she would cut me out of her Will…and not talk to me for years! I must admit, I was tempted to grab a sandwich or two just to see what she’d do, but no, I’m a good daughter and told her to drop her goodies in the basket before the manager came out to lecture her about saving food for others who also like their homemade turkey sandwiches!

Then, with her many, many, many, many oven roasted turkey sandwiches in tow, we were off to Krogers. On arrival, a nice employee saw us slowly, and I do mean slowly, walking through the rain up to the entrance. She took pity on us and met us on the sidewalk with a scooter so mother could be a motorcycle mama!

Mother huffed and puffed and refused to get on the contraption that is made for OLD people (she will be 88 in less than two weeks). The nice lady and I sweet talked her into giving it a try (she has been on one before, and didn’t like it). We showed her how to control it and let the woman go!

3-2-1…and she was off! It was super busy in the store, more people than I could count and it seems like they were all shopping by the door, so mother decided to be a rebel and go into the store through the exit. Every self check out machine was in use which included a line of filled baskets that need to be checked out that snaked through half the store! Mother saw all those people and gunned it…sorta.

Those folks saw her coming and I swear it was like watching Moses part the Red Sea. People big and small, stepped or jumped to the side to let her through. I was impressed! We got through the whole store without knocking down any displays or people!

The only problem during the visit was at the end as mother got the dang scooter stuck on the curb. Yep, that’s right…the curb! The back wheels were half on the sidewalk and half on the street! Mother gunned it again, but only the wheels would spin. So me, being the good daughter that I am, had to push the dang thing off the curb without tipping it and mother over…in the rain! Pretty standard really.