Among my many ‘talents’, I’m adding a new one. Traffic cop. Yep, you read right…traffic cop. Or should I say, farm cop. I opened the back pasture today to let the natives enjoy the tall, lush grass and clover. I yelled at them to ‘come on back, the smorgasbord is now open!’

Every head popped up, turned my way and looked. Sammie came galloping towards the open gate and the other ding bats just stood there drooling. I walked to the middle of the pasture…in public you know…and yelled at them again, pointing to the field of plenty as Sammie jumped around like a school boy after the bell rang for the last time until next Fall! They just stood there. Now I’m getting frustrated and super hot standing in sweltering heat trying to get somebody to move. Finally, I marched myself over to the group who seemed glued to the ground (must have been all that water) and in my best farm cop voice, ordered them to move it along and get in that pasture to eat..pointing! They still stood there blinking in confusion. Really? I said, “GO”! They lined up and started to walk, slowly, towards the open gate with me guiding them with whistles and arm movements like a traffic cop! I was moving them along one by one as Sammie was still jumping for joy through the knee high clover ! I didn’t realize how strange I must have looked until a car slowed down to a crawl in front of the farm. I could see smiling faces looking out the windows to watch the show. I nodded my head at the laughing folks and lowered my arms. All llamas and one stubborn alpaca are now jumping in unison in delight through the swaying grass. 🙄 Eyes rolling.🙄

There are days when I realize just how ‘quirky’ I really am.

I went out to water my llamas today (literally) so they can try to stay cool and comfortable in this jungle heat. I hosed down Lincoln, then Violet, followed by Sweetie. I tried to water down Sammie but he didn’t want to get wet…after all, he’s the ‘sexy’ llama and can’t get his fur wet. Anyhoo…as I’m soaking 3 large animals in the pasture, I caught myself yapping away at them. I yip yapped the whole 20 minutes! How can I talk non stop in 93° weather, in public to 3 soaked llamas who are prancing through a stream of coolness? Heck, I cant even tell you all I said…I was talking llama!

I need a body cam! This is so funny! I walked to the gate to let the natives out into the yard to mow our grass (who needs a lawnmower when theres a llama or 3 to munch it down!).
As most of you know, Remi Doodles has a thing for Sweetie. The pig follows the llama around like a love struck teenager. Remi lays next to Sweetie, eats with her, and gazes up at her with adoration. Sweetie on the hand, hides from Remi, runs away from her, gets up and move when the pig lays down next to her, and gazes down with annoyance as she spits at the pig. Anyhoo…Sweetie was at the far corner of the pasture with Remi standing next to her. I opened the gate to let the llamas out and Sweetie came galloping with the fat little pig running behind her making a loud barking sound! I swear they only do this stuff when I dont have my camera! The llama and the pig running full speed from the back of the pasture to the gate. I actually laughed out loud. Sweetie got there first…of course…and I jokingly said to her, ” aren’t you going to wait for your little buddy?” I swear she knew what I was saying because she looked me straight in the eye, narrowed hers, and put her ears back like she was going to let me have it! I put my hand up and said, ” whoa little doggie, I’m kidding, I’m kidding!” Sweetie ran through the gate, galloped towards the back of the house with the pig a step or two behind her! I think I heard the other 3 llamas snickering as the odd couple ran past them!

Oh sure, let’s have ALL the large animals play dead in the front pasture, next to the road for all to see! I’m expecting to have the sheriff, animal control, neighbors, folks driving by, and PETA, to be marching around our house with angry signs about deceased animals on our property! Or…I’ll just run out there, demand that they get up NOW and give them my long, boring, send them into a trance lecture about scarring little children who see them laying there! As in the past, Lincoln will get up and walk to the back pasture and plop down to continue his nap…Sammie will get up, stretch, yawn, and mosey over to the feed bin…Violet will just lay there, look at me with one eye opened and ignore me…and Sweetie will gallop over to me thinking I have grain!

Ever feel like an overwhelmed rubber band that is stretched to its breaking point? Yep, that’s me. So much heart breaking family stuff along with health issues. One thing I’ve learned this week is that no matter how afraid I feel, my Jesus is holding me, calming me down with His soothing presence as he gently rocks me in His healing arms. No matter how angry I get, stomp my feet and shake my fist at Him in a temper tantrum, He patiently waits for me to stop, then picks me up off the cold tear stained floor, turns me in the right direction, gives me a little push, then sends me on my way back to His peace.
No matter how much my heart breaks over the words and actions of people I love and devoted my life to protect, my God is there reassuring me that all who I hold dear, and have bruised my knee’s praying for…He has them surrounded with His protecting Angel’s, that He has them tucked securely in His heart…He wont let them go no matter how fast they run or try to hide. When I feel like giving up and beg Him to take me home, he shows me the face of a grandchild, reminding me why I’m here along with the hope and unconditional love that a child brings.

You see, no matter what my emotions tell me, the heart of God tells me I’m beautiful, special, unique, loved, valued, cherished, smiled upon, protected and safe in Him.

My faith wavers sometimes and I fall into a dark pit of self pity. My Father’s love and faithfulness never wavers. He promises never to leave me nor forsake me. He was there loving me before I was formed in my mothers womb. I was on His mind when He hung on that cross. In His timing, He will welcome me home with open arms, and a smile while holding the hand of my little girl Sarah! I cant wait for that day, my arms ache to hold my daughter and jump and down with my BFF Liz, and dance with my daddy who is now free from Alzheimer’s! Until then, I pick myself up and go on. I count my blessings, thank God for another day on the farm and I praise Him through the storm.

I need a body cam! This is so funny. I was throwing chicken pieces to the barn kitties, chickens, ducks and turkey (yes they eat chicken…something sick about feeding them one of their own)…I would toss out a piece of white meat, and all the birds along with two cats would watch the chunk fly through the air, all eyes looking upwards, mouths watering, tongues licking their lips! The tasty morsel falls in the middle of the starving misfits who at the same time pounce upon the treat. For a few seconds I cant see anything except fur and feathers in a dust cloud going around and around in a tight circle with the sounds of screeching, clucks, quacks and a gobble!  After the dust, feathers and fur settles, they all turn their heads to look at me because they can see the bowl in my hand. They stare, they wait, they line up! I pick up another piece of walmart’s roasted chicken, hold it in the air, let them get in their ‘its mine-mine-mine-mine’ stance and throw it !  Again, they attack! The kitties jump in the air trying to catch it, the rooster shoves the turkey out of line, and the duck head butts the hen! And who comes running because he sees food being thrown around? Nope…not Dunkay! Lincoln the alpaca! He came galloping to me, stuck his head in the bowl, jumped back, shook his head, then turned around and ran! I’m not kidding! I laughed out loud and said, ” what’s the matter Lincoln? Dont like chicken?”
Last I saw he was running towards the back of the house still shaking his head!

So, my mother came over for a visit and we were sitting on the back porch swinging away enjoying the sites and sounds of the farm. We watched the ducks chase the hens, Dillion the goat walk into my house, the pig waddle pass by us in her endless search for food more times than can I count, the donkey run around the field kicking up his back legs, the llamas having a date in the front pasture for all to see (my mother turned her flushed head away and I yelled at them to “STOP IT NOW” because we are a ‘G’ rated farm!!), the turkey following the chickens trying to fit in, Laci the mini tank go into a trance because she ate to much, Chippie growl at Biscuit (really? No way!), and the kitties stalk the same sparrow which made them crash into each other (the highlight of my day)! After about ten minutes of all this activity, my mom turned to me and asked, ” is it like this every day”? I answered that they were all doing pretty good, that its a calm day! She frowned, narrowed her eyes at me, and said, “you’ve got to be kidding!” Right then the dogs took off like ‘the hounds from hell’ running and barking to the fence as the same brave jogger who runs, not jog…runs past the farm almost every day, as Lincoln the alpaca screamed out his warning call!

I swear those roosters have a death wish! C.S. parks himself under my window at the crack of dawn every morning and pretends to be a song bird. He ‘sings’ until all the hens have coming running. Then the girls sway to his dreamy Elvis voice with their eyes closed. I on the other hand, hear fingernails going down a chalk board. The more he screeches, the more I convince myself that he needs to live up to his name…C.S…short for chicken soup. Earley this morning, (actually  it was still dark), TWO roosters were standing under my window giving a concert! I was so mad that I threw  back the curtains to show them my shaking, threatening fist! Nobody cared, they didn’t even look up. Elvis and Bing were crooning to 15 love struck hens, two ducks and a turkey. I swear if they had lighters, they would’ve  been lit! I shook my head in defeat, started to close the curtain when I saw the pig come around the corner. She plopped herself behind the swaying mesmerized birds, closed her eyes and smiled! Sheesh…I give up.

So, last night when we were right by the farm coming home after taking pics at lake Michigan, Chad slammed on the breaks, and swerved the Jeep going into our yard by the empty field next to ours. I’m bracing for impact , franictly looking around to spot what he thinks he sees that makes him almost wreck my poor Jeep! But instead of pulling over, he just says, “never mind”. Huh? Never mind what??? We pull in the driveway and I’m looking at him like he’s nutty! He said, “I thought I saw a deer by our fence, but it was only Sammie.” Really? Sammie is all white and doesn’t resemble a deer! I looked toward the back pasture and yep, Sammie was next to the fence eating. I’m sorry, but he doesn’t look like a deer to me. I looked back at Chad with the same ‘are you nutty’ expression, and he’s like…”what! I thought you would like to get a pic of a deer next to the farm”!! Right!! Im sure that if a deer was standing there, Chad slamming on the brakes and driving the Jeep into the yard next to him would’ve made the critter stand there in curiosity wondering what these humans are up to now! Instead, it was just one of the WHITE llamas eating. I’m sure they all saw us drive into the yard, then out again, which made them shake their heads thinking to themselves, ‘yep, they’re at it again’.

This is so funny. I was throwing bread to four chickens, one turkey, and two ducks when one of the hens grabbed a piece of bread 2 seconds before the duck got his bill around the tasty morsel. Well, that didn’t sit right with mr duck, as a matter of fact, it made him downright angry! So he tried to attack the hen who took off running with him chasing her, wings flapping. They ran past the rooster who thought to himself, ‘ no way am I going to let some low life duck attack one of my girls!’ So he took off after the duck chasing the hen. The 3 of them ran around the corner of the barn where I couldn’t see them anymore.  I had a good chuckle and thought the show was done so I went back to feeding the turkey and Remi who ran over because she can smell food being thrown a mile away! After about a minute, the 3 birds came running towards me from around the barn, still flapping their wings. The chase was still on! The hen ran into the barn, the duck ran towards me with the rooster close behind. I threw some bread to the birds who stopped in their tracks and ate the crumbs before Remi could waddled over to steal it all. They are now back to being barnyard buddies.

I swear they only do stuff when I dont have a camera ready!