Ever feel like an overwhelmed rubber band that is stretched to its breaking point? Yep, that’s me. So much heart breaking family stuff along with health issues. One thing I’ve learned this week is that no matter how afraid I feel, my Jesus is holding me, calming me down with His soothing presence as he gently rocks me in His healing arms. No matter how angry I get, stomp my feet and shake my fist at Him in a temper tantrum, He patiently waits for me to stop, then picks me up off the cold tear stained floor, turns me in the right direction, gives me a little push, then sends me on my way back to His peace.
No matter how much my heart breaks over the words and actions of people I love and devoted my life to protect, my God is there reassuring me that all who I hold dear, and have bruised my knee’s praying for…He has them surrounded with His protecting Angel’s, that He has them tucked securely in His heart…He wont let them go no matter how fast they run or try to hide. When I feel like giving up and beg Him to take me home, he shows me the face of a grandchild, reminding me why I’m here along with the hope and unconditional love that a child brings.
You see, no matter what my emotions tell me, the heart of God tells me I’m beautiful, special, unique, loved, valued, cherished, smiled upon, protected and safe in Him.
My faith wavers sometimes and I fall into a dark pit of self pity. My Father’s love and faithfulness never wavers. He promises never to leave me nor forsake me. He was there loving me before I was formed in my mothers womb. I was on His mind when He hung on that cross. In His timing, He will welcome me home with open arms, and a smile while holding the hand of my little girl Sarah! I cant wait for that day, my arms ache to hold my daughter and jump and down with my BFF Liz, and dance with my daddy who is now free from Alzheimer’s! Until then, I pick myself up and go on. I count my blessings, thank God for another day on the farm and I praise Him through the storm.