Fun with mother

I was relaxing on my back porch swing counting how many times those goats can baaaaaa in 30 seconds, which is surprisingly a lot (I lost count at 326). The sedating effect of goats calls, while keeping my feet under the swing so the casually strolling llamas wouldn’t step on them, started a vivid daydream.

I started envisioning my never ending list of chores for Super Farmer when my phone rudely startled me out of my personal twilight zone. It was mother! Mother locked her keys in the car at Krogers and needed me to rescue her. Goodbye relaxing afternoon with the non stop bleating of goats who think they’re starving 24/7.

I found mother at the Kroger exit leaning on her cart frantically waving at me to make sure I saw her. Of course, the 6 cars behind me noticed her waving and each one stopped to ask her if she needed help. Also, every person who walked out of the store politely asked her if she needed assistance.

I could hear her loudly say, “no thank you, my baby is here to help me…that’s her over there in the blue jeep with flower stickers…she’s Addie Acres! Have you heard of her? She takes pics and every news station in America puts them on! Yes, thats my baby! Oh look she’s turning around! Everyone wave!! I pull up next to mother and pull up my mask to hide as mother now has a small crowd around her waving at me!

I get mother into the Jeep only to hear a 10 minute story about how she thought she lost her keys and searched the store, talking to clerks, managers, shoppers and a watermelon or two! She finally found them on her front seat safely locked in. So off we go to her house located on the other side of town.

On the way, she asked if we could please stop at Walgreens to pick up the one magazine that she absolutely must have…she couldn’t find it at Krogers. So me, being the good baby, I mean daughter I am, stopped at the family friendly drugstore to search high and low for mother’s Closer magazine. I found it within 5.8 seconds! I was so proud of myself!! I got back into the Jeep handed mother her must-have-cannot- live-without mag only to hear …”this is last week’s! I read this one! Take it back!”

Whaaaat?! I started to protest that it has this week’s date on it when she narrowed her eyes at me and said, “fine! I will take it back! I read this one!” I took a deep breath, got out of my Jeep, walked around to the other side and got mother out so she could protest to the clerk that they are selling last weeks magazine!!

Mother got her money back, the clerk got a lecture, I got embrassessed again and we slowly walked back to the Jeep with complaining that the place was selling last week’s magazine and now she has nothing to read!

And, so it goes…fun with mother today!