Fun(?) with mother

Well, my Jeep was once again at the mechanics because it is determined to be worth more than what it really is…a LOT more.

I finally got the call that I could pick it up and tearfully listened to all the work it needed and the cost to get it back. My mom was over visiting and offered to drive me to Dave’s Auto Repair instead of waiting for Chadwick to come home which could be hours. Now mind you, I’ve had many car rides with mother and after the last ‘Mr Toads Wild Ride’ with her, I made a pinkie swear to never, ever, never let her drive me anywhere…ever. But alas, Nancy had a lapse in judgement and I heard a voice that sounded just like mine say, “okay!” Before I could take it back, mother had picked up her cane and was racing to the cherry red Cadillac, swinging keys in hand, grinning from ear to ear all the way! I had another lapse in judgement (must be this swan thing) and thought to myself, ‘I’m sure it’ll be fine, its just down the road, how bad could it be?’

HOW BAD COULD IT BE????

My first ‘oh my gosh what have I done’ thought came when she turned to me, gave me an almost evil smile and said, “buckle up dearie, mamas got the wheel!”
We zoomed out of the dark driveway and got to the stop sign in 4.7 seconds which normally takes 3 minutes…if speeding! I tried to say something like, “Get me out of this car! Are you crazy? Give me those keys! What’s wrong with you! Somebody help!” Before my lips could move, she turned the corner on two wheels! I was trying to talk myself out of jumping from a moving car when she slowed to a turtle’s crawl. I relaxed a bit, but I was confused. I stupidly asked why we were going so slow. She informed me that she can’t see when other cars are coming at her. Really? Theres like 500 cars coming in the opposite direction! I said “that’s it, pull over, I’m driving!” But mother would not. She was going to drive all the way there, sight or no sight! We made it to Johnson Road without going into someone’s yard and she seemed to be better…until I yelled, “slow down! Brakes!”
She looked at me confused (which frightened me even more because her eyes were on me) and asked what my problem was! I pointed to the car ahead of us that was at a complete stop trying to turn left! She said, “Oh, I was wondering what he was doing!” Again I did the sign of the Cross, making bargains with God if he would just get us there in one piece. We made it to Dave’s, I paid another one of his house payments and told them about my experience with mother getting there because I needed to get it out of my system! They nodded in horror offering words of comfort, (I think I saw them also do the sign of the cross when I was going out the door), I picked up my ‘should be dipped in pure gold’ keys, and got my purse out of mothers race car. I dug around in my bag looking for my contact solution. I then anointed it to be Holy Water. I sprinkled it all over her car asking God to please surround it with Angel’s and get her home safely. I told her to call me when she got home so I know she made it. She cheerfully called me within the hour thanking me for letting her drive her baby around! I hope she thoroughly enjoyed our little adventure because she will never, ever, never drive me around again!