The glass house
Some days I feel like I’m trapped in the glass house maze at the fair. There are times when I stand at the opening of the maze to see hundreds of myself staring back, with each image reflecting back a memory, an emotion, a dream, a regret. Some even stare back at me with pity or anger.
On the days I find myself on the stage of mirrors, I know I have to go inside and find myself, the one that reaches out to give me peace, but it’s so hard to find that one reflection that keeps all the others from calling me. They call me to stand in front of them and stare at images that want me to be trapped like them, inside the glass mirrors that hold anger, helplessness, anxiety or depression.
So I slowly walk through the maze of myself, searching for that single mirror that holds everything good amongst the pain. Most times I find it right away because that image is clear, clean and seems to have a slight glow among the other mirrors. In contrast, the other mirrors are dulled and stained with tear streaks or finger marks from trying to get out.
I also have to keep myself away from the mirrors that distort my image, making me see myself the way the world wants to reflect instead of the Living God’s persistent loving.
Those mirrors of distortion are the hardest to walk past and not stare at because I want to agree with them, shouting out, “see, I knew I wasn’t anything better than smudge marks or special in any way!”
So, I walk through the maze of mirrors, at times getting lost, running into dead ends, putting my hand on the hand that reaches for me on the other side, telling myself that I’m sorry that I can’t help you! I walk and walk, searching for the real me, the person that smiles back at me, encouraging me to keep going where there is an exit from all the images that hold so much pain.
Nancy will find the way out, because Jesus walks with her in the maze of life that traps me at times. He always leads me to the one true image of myself, the one that has hope, hangs onto dreams given by the King of Kings, the one that knows how to smile, who knows Love and gives it out, the only image in there that will drop her to her knees as the other ones stare and worship Jesus, thanking Him for the pain as well as the joy in my personal house of mirrors.