Oh my gosh! I was shopping at Als following my mother around like a good child to make sure she didn’t fall into a freezer or something just as bizarre, when I looked up and noticed my cart was headed straight for the bottles of wine…on it’s own of course. I had to put on the brakes and barley stopped within 2 hairs of hitting them, knocking them over! I could just see it…50 bottles of the most expensive wine in the store crashing to the floor shattering into 5 million shardes of glass! Wine spilling and splashing, drenching me and every other unfortunate customer within 10 feet of me! The whole store will shake, releasing a sonic boom that could be heard for miles! After the deafening sound…one could hear a pin drop as every person turned their head towards me, glaring because I just helped to add an extra ten years onto their already way too short life span.
As I was standing there thinking to myself, ‘whew, I just avoided another catastrophe, I sure don’t need to read in the Herald Argus, the News Dispatch, USA Today, Time Magazine, or the Chicago Tribune, about how Addie Acres destroyed Al’s Super Market and causes a wide spread panic!’, when mother came up, raised her cane at me, shook it and scolded me for looking at the wine! After all, she didn’t raise me to a be a wino and no child of hers was going to drink and become a lush!