Fun with mother

Note to self…next time I go to Walmart with my mother who walks slower than a snail…never put her magazines that she can’t live without on the self check out belt!

Yep, we put her old fogey gossip magazines on the conveyor belt that automatically rolls when you put your can’t function/live/survive without items on. It moves faster than we can empty our baskets and we made the mistake of putting the 3 magazines on it first. That shiny black belt took off like a speeding bullet with her stuff still wobbling on it, racing to the check out machine! Well, there is a slight separation from the belt and the counter… perfect size for a thin paper item to slip down into! Yep, you guessed right…it started to eat her magazines, all three at once. The pages were flapping, the belt was squealing and I had to drop all my items back into the cart and run to save her ‘I must have those’ mags from disappearing into the twilight zone of lost things that float around somewhere in space for eternity! And yes, I’m sure you figured out that I played tug of war with walmarts conveyor belt and mothers magazines as she wailed behind me about the very last People’s magazine in the city of La Porte! I tugged, it rumbled a growl at me, and mother threatened it with bodily harm! I finally got her precious magazine out of the teeth of Mr. Belt who works for Rod Sterling and handed them to mother. She grabbed the now crumbled pages telling the world the juicy secrets of people she will never meet, clutched it close to her heart, closed her eyes and loudly thanked the heavens! I apologized to the folks who were slowly backing away from us in fear, and tried to pretend that I wasn’t related to her!